Paul Mescal, Gladiator II heartthrob and professional brooder, waltzed into the Saturday Night Live spotlight on December 7, armed with Irish wit, a questionable sense of humor, and a deep, unshakable love for… short shorts.
The 28-year-old actor kicked off his monologue by roasting his own dramatic filmography: “I cry a lot on screen,” he seemed to telegraph. “But tonight? It’s comedy. Maybe.” From there, he dove headfirst into Irish stereotypes like a man unafraid of being gently scolded by his relatives at the next family reunion.
“There’s a nasty rumor that Irish people have sex with our cousins,” he declared, to audible gasps from the audience. But before anyone could cancel him on Twitter, Paul clarified: “That’s offensive and ridiculous. We have sex with our second cousins.” That’s right, keep it in the family tree, but at least a branch or two away.
As if that wasn’t enough to make the SNL crowd choke on their popcorn, Paul tackled another Irish myth: kilts. “No, that’s the Scottish,” he said, correcting the record. “The Irish? We rock short shorts.” And to prove his point, he flashed a photo of his own alabaster gams, gleaming like two beams of pale moonlight.
Enter Marcello Hernandez, SNL cast member and apparent short-shorts enthusiast. Bounding onto the stage in his own scandalously high-cut pair, Marcello looked ready to challenge Paul to a duel—except instead of swords, the weapon of choice was sheer thigh exposure.
Paul wasn’t buying it, though. “They’re too short,” he quipped, as if the man wasn’t already one accidental movement away from turning the SNL stage into a whole different kind of show.
Marcello, unbothered, countered with the wisdom of someone who clearly knows his way around a pair of booty-baring bottoms: “The shorter the shorts, the taller you look.”
And thus, SNL history was made—not with a laugh, but with two grown men vying for dominance in the unholy arena of short shorts. Somewhere, the Gladiator gods wept.
Paul Mescal’s monologue! pic.twitter.com/rsFDYSmDTC
— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) December 8, 2024
