Paul Mescal, Gladiator II heartthrob and professional brooder, waltzed into the Saturday Night Live spotlight on December 7, armed with Irish wit, a questionable sense of humor, and a deep, unshakable love forโฆ short shorts.
The 28-year-old actor kicked off his monologue by roasting his own dramatic filmography: โI cry a lot on screen,โ he seemed to telegraph. โBut tonight? Itโs comedy. Maybe.โ From there, he dove headfirst into Irish stereotypes like a man unafraid of being gently scolded by his relatives at the next family reunion.
โThereโs a nasty rumor that Irish people have sex with our cousins,โ he declared, to audible gasps from the audience. But before anyone could cancel him on Twitter, Paul clarified: โThatโs offensive and ridiculous. We have sex with our second cousins.โ Thatโs right, keep it in the family tree, but at least a branch or two away.
As if that wasnโt enough to make the SNL crowd choke on their popcorn, Paul tackled another Irish myth: kilts. โNo, thatโs the Scottish,โ he said, correcting the record. โThe Irish? We rock short shorts.โ And to prove his point, he flashed a photo of his own alabaster gams, gleaming like two beams of pale moonlight.
Enter Marcello Hernandez, SNL cast member and apparent short-shorts enthusiast. Bounding onto the stage in his own scandalously high-cut pair, Marcello looked ready to challenge Paul to a duelโexcept instead of swords, the weapon of choice was sheer thigh exposure.
Paul wasnโt buying it, though. โTheyโre too short,โ he quipped, as if the man wasnโt already one accidental movement away from turning the SNL stage into a whole different kind of show.
Marcello, unbothered, countered with the wisdom of someone who clearly knows his way around a pair of booty-baring bottoms: โThe shorter the shorts, the taller you look.โ
And thus, SNL history was madeโnot with a laugh, but with two grown men vying for dominance in the unholy arena of short shorts. Somewhere, the Gladiator gods wept.
Paul Mescalโs monologue! pic.twitter.com/rsFDYSmDTC
— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) December 8, 2024