Oprah is out here defying time, space, and Hollywood botox rumors! At the tender age of 70 (but looking 40, mind you), she casually popped up at Jimmy Kimmel Live! on September 17, leaving everyone asking, “What’s her secret? A time machine? A deal with a skincare sorcerer?”
But hold your breath, because that wasn’t even the juiciest bit. Apparently, Oprah has been playing Monopoly with her life story, and instead of “Go to Jail,” she pulled the “Do Not Release Documentary” card. According to insiders, Oprah shelled out what we can only imagine is a small nation’s GDP to stop Apple TV+ from airing a documentary about her life. You know you’ve made it when you’re paying to keep people from watching you.
This docu-drama (pun intended) began back in January 2021 when it was first announced. Apple TV+ was so ready to roll with this juicy, Oprah-approved content, that they cut her a fat check. But the Oprah giveth and the Oprah taketh away. Fast-forward to now, and she decided, “Nah, not today!”—allegedly after butting heads with director Kevin Macdonald. Think of it as a clash of titans, but with fewer explosions and more passive-aggressive post-production notes.
“Kevin made the film, but Oprah didn’t like it and he was like, ‘That’s a no from me,’” said a source, who was probably clutching their popcorn watching the drama unfold. And just like that, Oprah sashayed back into Apple’s offices and whipped out her metaphorical checkbook to buy back her story like she was bidding on it at an auction. Word on the street is, this little transaction set her back millions. But hey, when you’re worth $3 billion, what’s a few million here or there to keep your life private?
Apparently, there are two sides to this documentary debacle. Another source—likely sipping tea from a diamond-encrusted mug—insisted that Kevin wasn’t exactly saying “no” to Oprah’s changes. Instead, the Queen of Media just had a little…change of heart. Maybe she woke up one morning, thought about the potential memes, and said, “Nope, not today.”
As for what the documentary covered, it’s been shrouded in mystery. But rumors suggest it was Oprah unfiltered—complete with her long-term partner, Stedman Graham (who, at 73, is probably chilling somewhere with a Kindle), and her ride-or-die bestie Gayle King, 69, who’s probably shaking her head in disbelief that we’re even hearing about this drama.
Had the documentary aired, it was meant to be a two-part special diving into Oprah’s 45+ years in television. (Imagine the amount of vintage hairdos and shoulder pads!) Starting from her trailblazing days as the first Black female news anchor at Nashville’s WLAC-TV in the ‘70s, where she quickly got demoted for mysterious reasons. (Maybe her charisma was too blinding? We’ll never know.) After that, she was sentenced to the news desk—but, spoiler alert, it wasn’t a life sentence.
Then came 1986, and “The Oprah Winfrey Show” hit TV screens nationwide, effectively leaving Phil Donahue clutching his pearls as her ratings skyrocketed. Within a year, Oprah was the reigning queen of daytime television, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Except… not the documentary part of the history. That’s still locked in Oprah’s vault, right next to her skin-care secrets and time machine.
