So, picture this: the grand roast of the one and only Tom Brady went down like a flaming football over the weekend. No holds barred, folks were flinging insults faster than Brady throws a touchdown pass. We’re talking divorce digs, relationship ribbing, and even some good ol’ fashioned roasting about his face that’s seen more Super Bowls than most of us have seen Sunday brunches.
But hold up! According to the gossip grapevine, there was one topic that was so off-limits, it might as well have been Tom’s secret stash of avocado ice cream. Yep, we’re talking about the divorce from Gisele Bundchen. Apparently, that was like poking a grizzly bear with a selfie stick.
Enter comedian extraordinaire, Nikki Glaser, who spilled the beans on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Show faster than you can say “deflated football.” She revealed that amidst the chaos, there was one line nobody dared to cross—the kiddos. Jack, Benjamin, and Vivian, Brady’s brood, were like the sacred cows of the roast. Nikki dropped the bomb that they collectively decided to keep the kids out of the crossfire because, well, let’s face it, those poor munchkins didn’t ask to be born into a world where their dad’s touchdown dances are more famous than their school recitals.
And then, oh boy, Nikki nearly dropped a bombshell joke that would’ve set off a nuclear explosion of awkwardness. She was about to serve up a zinger about making out with Tom at the after-party, but then she thought, “Hold up, that’s crossing the line from roast to roast beef sandwich with a side of cringe.” It would’ve been like referencing that infamous photo of Brady giving his son a smooch that went viral faster than you can say “Tebow Time.”
Oh, Tom, you may be the G.O.A.T. on the field, but even you gotta admit, sometimes it’s better to leave the roast in the oven than risk burning down the whole darn barn.