Welp, Mickey Rourke has entered the Celebrity Big Brother UK house and immediately treated it like it was his own personal episode of “How to Get Cancelled in 24 Hours.” Spoiler alert: it’s going great (for viewers, not for Mickey).
On Wednesday’s episode (April 9), Mickey—yes, the 72-year-old actor who once punched people for a living and now seems to just punch the vibe—decided to come way out of pocket at JoJo Siwa, the 21-year-old rainbow unicorn of Gen Z pop energy and unapologetic queer icon.
It all started with a casual conversation that derailed faster than a reality show relationship.
“Do you like girls or boys?” Mickey asked JoJo, like he was hosting Queer Eye for the Inappropriate Guy.
JoJo, being the queen she is, calmly replied, “Me? Girls. My partner is non-binary.” (Shoutout to Kath Ebbs for being cool without even being in the house.)
Mickey then took the cringe train all the way to “Sir, what are you doing?” with:
“If I stay longer than four days, you won’t be gay anymore.”
UHHHH. Mickey, sir. That is not how science, sexuality, or sanity works.
JoJo clapped back with the grace of someone who’s used to dodging both haters and glitter explosions:
“I can guarantee I’ll still be gay and I’ll still be in a very happy relationship.”
Boom. Mic drop. Rainbow explosion. Cut to confetti cannons.
But wait, Mickey wasn’t done with the self-sabotage speedrun. He later told castmate Chris Hughes he was:
“Going to vote the lesbian out real quick.”
JoJo, of course, heard that and hit him with a verbal karate chop:
“That’s homophobic, if that was your reasoning.”
Chris, who at this point looked like he wanted to hide under the kitchen counter, tried to stop the downward spiral with a firm, “You can’t do that.”
Mickey, clearly mistaking this for a Quentin Tarantino film, decided to toss in a slur (which we’re not repeating) and then, in a plot twist only Mickey Rourke could write:
“I was talking about a cigarette.”
Sir. No. Stop. This is Celebrity Big Brother, not Excuses That Wouldn’t Fly in 2003.
Naturally, Big Brother summoned Mickey to the Diary Room like a disappointed parent ready to ground him from snacks and screen time.
They read back his comments like a bad Yelp review, and asked if he thought any of it could be considered offensive. Mickey, in a moment of vague clarity, replied:
“Yeah, I think so — if I was saying it in a nasty kind of way.”
Spoiler: He was.
He was promptly told he’d be removed faster than a microwaved fork if he continued with the homophobic nonsense.
Mickey then attempted to walk it all back like a guy who tripped over his own ego, saying he didn’t mean any harm and was “just talking smack.”
“I wasn’t taking it all so serious. I didn’t mean it in any bad intentions, and if I did, sorry,” he said.
Translation: “I said a bunch of offensive stuff, but I didn’t mean to be offensive… even though I 100% was.”
So now the clock is ticking. Will Mickey chill out and stop talking like it’s 1987 in a biker bar? Or will Big Brother hit that eject button and launch him straight back to wherever he came from—hopefully with a crash course in Queer Etiquette 101?
Stay tuned. JoJo’s still fabulous. Mickey’s still on thin ice. And Big Brother? Big Brother’s watching—and now lecturing.