Breaking news! Marlon Wayans, the comedic genius behind “White Chicks,” has finally spoken out after his LA crib got hit by some seriously misguided burglars. Picture this: a 51-year-old star finding out his house was raided while he’s out living his best life.
Fast forward to Friday (July 5), and Marlon’s on Instagram dropping truth bombs in a video that has fans in stitches. Spoiler alert: he’s okay, and he’s got some hilariously harsh words for the not-so-smooth criminals.
“Yo, just so y’all know, those burglars didn’t score much because, well, I don’t own s–t,” Marlon quipped with a smirk. “The most valuable thing in my house is… my house. So unless you’re planning to put that on a truck and drive away like the most ambitious episode of ‘House Hunters’ ever, congrats, you played yourselves!”
He flashed his ring and added, “See this? Fake as a reality TV show. It’s a heart rate monitor, not the Crown Jewels. No bling, no cash – just a mountain of debt and some maxed-out credit cards.”
In the caption, he doubled down with some classic Marlon wisdom: “God is so Good. Everyone is fine. I’m grateful. Dear ROBBERS and OTHERS, I am the WRONG N***** to ROB. Save your energy. I don’t have anything valuable in my house except MY HOUSE. Sorry, I live a simple life with 2 cars, and one of them is a 1994 Range Rover that needs a jumpstart if you so much as look at it funny.”
And he wasn’t done yet: “Robbers, don’t waste your energy or your life on home invasions. That s–t is heavy!!! You wanna lug around all my junk and throw your back out for a pile of nothing? Go ahead. I repeat: I don’t own s–t valuable. No stacks of cash, no ice. Please, for the love of your lumbar, pick a better 🎯. Thanks and love you… still.”
Marlon Wayans, forever the master of turning a bad situation into pure comedy gold. Robbers, consider yourselves warned – next time, just ask for an autograph!