Justin Bieber’s ‘Assistant’ Was Fired So Long Ago, Dinosaurs Might’ve Still Roamed the Earth

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The internet is at it again—digging up decade-old drama and serving it like it’s fresh tea. But let’s set the record straight: Justin Bieber’s so-called “assistant” wasn’t just let go recently—he was booted YEARS ago. Like, in the ancient times of 2020, when everyone was still learning how to make sourdough bread and avoiding haircuts.

According to our top-secret Bieber insiders (aka people who know things), Justin’s ex-estate manager—yes, ESTATE MANAGER, not his personal bag-carrier-slash-latte-fetcher—Mateo Caldas was given the pink slip five whole years ago. Yet somehow, the internet woke up today and decided this was brand-new info. Slow news day?

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Now, what did Mateo do to get the chop? Was it a dramatic Hollywood firing? Did he try to build an underground lair beneath Bieber’s mansion? Did he replace all the toilet paper with sandpaper? We may never know, because JB’s team is keeping their lips zipped on the reason. All we DO know is that he was never Justin’s personal assistant. That man wasn’t out here organizing Justin’s sock drawer or making sure his smoothie had exactly 17 blueberries—he was just managing the house.

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And yet, somehow, people have twisted this into “Justin’s assistant just quit!” Fake news, y’all. Fake. News.

This ridiculous rumor comes at a time when people on the internet are once again whispering about Justin’s well-being and whether he’s suddenly moonlighting as a 90s rockstar with, uh, extra activities. But JB’s reps say absolutely not—he’s out here living his best dad life, changing diapers, and making music. And let’s be real, with a newborn in the house, the only thing Justin is high on is caffeine and lack of sleep.

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So let’s all take a deep breath, let Mateo enjoy whatever he’s doing post-Bieber, and stop acting like 2020 was just last week.

Justin Bieber’s ‘Assistant’ Was Fired So Long Ago, Dinosaurs Might’ve Still Roamed the Earth

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