John Mulaney Is Going on Tour and Honestly, the World May Never Be the Same (But in a Good Way)

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๐ŸŽค Breaking News from the Ministry of Sass and Sass Accessories: John Mulaney, a.k.a. your favorite human Golden Retriever in a blazer, has officially announced his 2025 comedy tourโ€”and itโ€™s called Mister Whatever. Yes, thatโ€™s really the name. And yes, it sounds like a perfume youโ€™d find at a Walgreens clearance bin, but make it โœจclassyโœจ.

In a very on-brand promo video, Mulaneyโ€”whoโ€™s clearly been watching too much Law & Order: Comedy Victims Unitโ€”appears blindfolded and tied up in the backseat of a car like he’s in a Netflix crime doc. But instead of being rescued by the FBI, he tells us heโ€™s โ€œexcited to finally be given a platform to share [his] thoughts,โ€ which is adorable, because heโ€™s been doing that on stage, on Netflix, and in your dreams for years.

๐ŸŽŸ๏ธ Hereโ€™s the Deal, Comedic Disciples:

โ€œHey, itโ€™s me, John Mulaney,โ€ he says like we donโ€™t already have his face on a Pinterest board. โ€œMy new tour, Mister Whatever, is coming to a city near you. Presale starts April 23 with the code โ€˜MISTER,โ€™ because apparently โ€˜MulaneyMoney2025โ€™ was too long.โ€

And then, in true hostage fashion, the men beside him force him to say that tickets go live at 10 a.m. LOCAL TIMEโ€”which he very reasonably questions like, โ€œWhat do you mean local time? Is this a nationwide conspiracy?โ€

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Honestly, same, John. Same.

๐ŸŽค Special Guests, aka: The Avengers of Awkward Hilarity
Get ready to laugh until you herniate something, because this tour is not just Mulaneyโ€”itโ€™s basically a comedy Coachella. Youโ€™ve got:

Jon Stewart (Papa Satire)
Pete Davidson (the chaos muppet of Staten Island)
Martin Short (who may or may not be legally 142)
Fred Armisen (quirkyโ„ข)
Mike Birbiglia (your sad-boy friend who reads too much)
Nick Kroll (voice of puberty itself)

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๐Ÿ—“๏ธ TOUR DATES aka Where to Sacrifice Your Dignity for Laughter
We’re talking:
Newark โ€“ With Jon Stewart & Pete Davidson: chaos guaranteed.
Winnipeg & Edmonton โ€“ Featuring Martin Short in the wilderness? Yes, nature will never be the same.
New Haven to Portland, ME โ€“ Armisen, Birbiglia & Kroll form a trio more iconic than Destinyโ€™s Child.
Toronto, Philly, Vegas, ATL, Tampa, even Disney World?! Mulaney is coming everywhere. Literally. No joke, he’s hitting 30+ cities.

Want the full list? Scroll down like itโ€™s 2007 and youโ€™re stalking your crush on Facebook. ๐Ÿ‘‡

๐Ÿง  HOW TO GET TICKETS (WITHOUT CRYING)
Presale: April 23โ€“24, ends at 11:59 p.m. (local, again… time zones remain undefeated)
Public sale: April 25, 10 a.m. (wherever you are, not wherever Mulaney is)
Code: MISTER (caps lock like your aunt on Facebook)
Where: johnmulaney.com or Ticketmaster.com, because of course
Can’t find a seat? Try resale sites like Stubhub or Vividseats, or trade a kidney on Craigslistโ€”your call.

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TL;DR: John Mulaney is going on tour. He may or may not be kidnapped. Tickets go on sale soon. Bring your giggle glands. Wear a blazer in his honor. And prepare to laugh so hard your body makes that weird hiccup-snort noise in public.

2025 is officially: MISTER WHATEVER ERA.

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