John Mulaney Is Going on Tour and Honestly, the World May Never Be the Same (But in a Good Way)

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🎀 Breaking News from the Ministry of Sass and Sass Accessories: John Mulaney, a.k.a. your favorite human Golden Retriever in a blazer, has officially announced his 2025 comedy tourβ€”and it’s called Mister Whatever. Yes, that’s really the name. And yes, it sounds like a perfume you’d find at a Walgreens clearance bin, but make it ✨classy✨.

In a very on-brand promo video, Mulaneyβ€”who’s clearly been watching too much Law & Order: Comedy Victims Unitβ€”appears blindfolded and tied up in the backseat of a car like he’s in a Netflix crime doc. But instead of being rescued by the FBI, he tells us he’s β€œexcited to finally be given a platform to share [his] thoughts,” which is adorable, because he’s been doing that on stage, on Netflix, and in your dreams for years.

🎟️ Here’s the Deal, Comedic Disciples:

β€œHey, it’s me, John Mulaney,” he says like we don’t already have his face on a Pinterest board. β€œMy new tour, Mister Whatever, is coming to a city near you. Presale starts April 23 with the code β€˜MISTER,’ because apparently β€˜MulaneyMoney2025’ was too long.”

And then, in true hostage fashion, the men beside him force him to say that tickets go live at 10 a.m. LOCAL TIMEβ€”which he very reasonably questions like, β€œWhat do you mean local time? Is this a nationwide conspiracy?”

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Honestly, same, John. Same.

🎀 Special Guests, aka: The Avengers of Awkward Hilarity
Get ready to laugh until you herniate something, because this tour is not just Mulaneyβ€”it’s basically a comedy Coachella. You’ve got:

Jon Stewart (Papa Satire)
Pete Davidson (the chaos muppet of Staten Island)
Martin Short (who may or may not be legally 142)
Fred Armisen (quirkyβ„’)
Mike Birbiglia (your sad-boy friend who reads too much)
Nick Kroll (voice of puberty itself)

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πŸ—“οΈ TOUR DATES aka Where to Sacrifice Your Dignity for Laughter
We’re talking:
Newark – With Jon Stewart & Pete Davidson: chaos guaranteed.
Winnipeg & Edmonton – Featuring Martin Short in the wilderness? Yes, nature will never be the same.
New Haven to Portland, ME – Armisen, Birbiglia & Kroll form a trio more iconic than Destiny’s Child.
Toronto, Philly, Vegas, ATL, Tampa, even Disney World?! Mulaney is coming everywhere. Literally. No joke, he’s hitting 30+ cities.

Want the full list? Scroll down like it’s 2007 and you’re stalking your crush on Facebook. πŸ‘‡

🧠 HOW TO GET TICKETS (WITHOUT CRYING)
Presale: April 23–24, ends at 11:59 p.m. (local, again… time zones remain undefeated)
Public sale: April 25, 10 a.m. (wherever you are, not wherever Mulaney is)
Code: MISTER (caps lock like your aunt on Facebook)
Where: johnmulaney.com or Ticketmaster.com, because of course
Can’t find a seat? Try resale sites like Stubhub or Vividseats, or trade a kidney on Craigslistβ€”your call.

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TL;DR: John Mulaney is going on tour. He may or may not be kidnapped. Tickets go on sale soon. Bring your giggle glands. Wear a blazer in his honor. And prepare to laugh so hard your body makes that weird hiccup-snort noise in public.

2025 is officially: MISTER WHATEVER ERA.

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