🎤 Breaking News from the Ministry of Sass and Sass Accessories: John Mulaney, a.k.a. your favorite human Golden Retriever in a blazer, has officially announced his 2025 comedy tour—and it’s called Mister Whatever. Yes, that’s really the name. And yes, it sounds like a perfume you’d find at a Walgreens clearance bin, but make it ✨classy✨.
In a very on-brand promo video, Mulaney—who’s clearly been watching too much Law & Order: Comedy Victims Unit—appears blindfolded and tied up in the backseat of a car like he’s in a Netflix crime doc. But instead of being rescued by the FBI, he tells us he’s “excited to finally be given a platform to share [his] thoughts,” which is adorable, because he’s been doing that on stage, on Netflix, and in your dreams for years.
🎟️ Here’s the Deal, Comedic Disciples:
“Hey, it’s me, John Mulaney,” he says like we don’t already have his face on a Pinterest board. “My new tour, Mister Whatever, is coming to a city near you. Presale starts April 23 with the code ‘MISTER,’ because apparently ‘MulaneyMoney2025’ was too long.”
And then, in true hostage fashion, the men beside him force him to say that tickets go live at 10 a.m. LOCAL TIME—which he very reasonably questions like, “What do you mean local time? Is this a nationwide conspiracy?”
Honestly, same, John. Same.
🎤 Special Guests, aka: The Avengers of Awkward Hilarity
Get ready to laugh until you herniate something, because this tour is not just Mulaney—it’s basically a comedy Coachella. You’ve got:
– Jon Stewart (Papa Satire)
– Pete Davidson (the chaos muppet of Staten Island)
– Martin Short (who may or may not be legally 142)
– Fred Armisen (quirky™)
– Mike Birbiglia (your sad-boy friend who reads too much)
– Nick Kroll (voice of puberty itself)
🗓️ TOUR DATES aka Where to Sacrifice Your Dignity for Laughter
We’re talking:
– Newark – With Jon Stewart & Pete Davidson: chaos guaranteed.
– Winnipeg & Edmonton – Featuring Martin Short in the wilderness? Yes, nature will never be the same.
– New Haven to Portland, ME – Armisen, Birbiglia & Kroll form a trio more iconic than Destiny’s Child.
– Toronto, Philly, Vegas, ATL, Tampa, even Disney World?! Mulaney is coming everywhere. Literally. No joke, he’s hitting 30+ cities.
Want the full list? Scroll down like it’s 2007 and you’re stalking your crush on Facebook. 👇
🧠 HOW TO GET TICKETS (WITHOUT CRYING)
– Presale: April 23–24, ends at 11:59 p.m. (local, again… time zones remain undefeated)
– Public sale: April 25, 10 a.m. (wherever you are, not wherever Mulaney is)
– Code: MISTER (caps lock like your aunt on Facebook)
– Where: johnmulaney.com or Ticketmaster.com, because of course
– Can’t find a seat? Try resale sites like Stubhub or Vividseats, or trade a kidney on Craigslist—your call.
TL;DR: John Mulaney is going on tour. He may or may not be kidnapped. Tickets go on sale soon. Bring your giggle glands. Wear a blazer in his honor. And prepare to laugh so hard your body makes that weird hiccup-snort noise in public.
2025 is officially: MISTER WHATEVER ERA.