In today’s episode of Celebrities: They’re Just Like Us (But With a Lot More Patience, Apparently), Jessica Chastain—yes, the Jessica Chastain, Oscar-winner, queen of the red carpet, and all-around fabulous human—took to X (formerly known as Twitter, but who knows what it’ll be called next week) to express her extreme “gratitude” to JetBlue.
Why, you ask? Well, buckle up, because this story’s about to take off!
So, picture this: You’re Jessica Chastain, casually flying through the friendly skies, expecting a little bit of La La Land or some in-flight episode of Friends to pass the time on your six-hour flight. Instead, you get a blank screen, a big ol’ nothing burger of entertainment. And for six hours, too! That’s practically an eternity in flight time. How are you supposed to survive without a quirky rom-com or at least some free peanuts to distract from the existential dread of turbulence?
Now, you’d think the good folks at JetBlue would be rolling out the red carpet for Ms. Chastain (I mean, she’s a VIP in every sense of the word), but no. What did they offer in exchange for her lost hours of screen-time bliss? A whopping $15. Yes, you read that right. Fifteen bucks. Just enough to buy… oh, I don’t know… one airport sandwich (if it’s on sale).
Naturally, Jessica, being the classy shade queen she is, didn’t let this slide. She tweeted something along the lines of, “Thank you, JetBlue, for your generous $15 credit. It’s exactly 1/100th of the $1,500 I paid for this flight. That math adds up, right? Right??” She even posted a screenshot of the almighty $15 receipt. I mean, it’s really the modern-day equivalent of being handed three magic beans for your cow.
JetBlue’s customer service team—who probably had a team huddle over this one—responded with the old classic, “We’re sorry you’re disappointed. Please send us a DM!” Translation: “Please yell at us privately where no one can see.”
But Jessica wasn’t having any of it. Oh no, she posted a screenshot of her previous convo with their customer service, where she politely explained, “Hey, I paid $1,500 for this flight—and so did my husband. So… maybe a bit more than the price of a sad airport latte in compensation?”
To which the agent replied with the classic customer service line, “Sorry, but there’s nothing more I can do.” Translation: “I’m trapped in this call center, and I have no real power here.”
And just like that, the saga ended… for now. But honestly, the real entertainment here was Jessica’s ability to keep her cool. JetBlue, take notes. Maybe next time you can bump it up to a whole $20.
Oh, and by the way, in other news, Jessica’s set to star in a Shakespearean film adaptation. Because if there’s anyone who can channel the drama of King Lear while taking down an airline, it’s Jessica Chastain.
Now, where’s our popcorn? 🍿
— Jessica Chastain (@jes_chastain) October 9, 2024
