Jessica Alba Blasts Haters From Orbit, While Jessica Chastain Throws Shade From Earth in Space Girl Drama!

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Houston, we have… celebrity drama. The Space Sisters have blasted off, and the internet has combusted harder than a rocket launch with a WiFi outage. Yes, we’re talking about that all-female Blue Origin flight — a trip that’s been causing more turbulence on social media than in actual space.

Enter: The Jessicas. Alba and Chastain. Two women. One name. Zero chill.

Let’s break it down.

Blue Origin, Jeff Bezos’ favorite sky Uber, recently sent a girl gang to space. In theory? Cute. In execution? Controversial. The mission has been roasted online like a marshmallow at girl scout camp, with people asking things like: “What was the point?” “Was this feminism or just Space Barbie vibes?” “Can I afford this or should I just launch my tax return into the stratosphere instead?”

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Quick FYI: seats on this zero-gravity girl trip start at $150,000. That’s just the refundable deposit. (Translation: Space is expensive. Like, Kardashian-sponcon expensive.)

Now, back to our celebrity Jessicas.

Jessica Alba: Space Queen Defender
Alba, looking radiant and unbothered on her Instagram Stories, basically told the haters to orbit off. She reposted a spicy take by political strategist Ana Navarro-Cárdenas, which went like:

“People are losing it over five women floating around in space. Meanwhile, actual real-life problems like Trump’s chaos parade are happening on Earth. Let’s maybe redirect that outrage?”

Translation: Stop yelling at women in space and start yelling at, like, actual problems. Fair.

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Jessica Chastain: Shade Commander
Meanwhile, Jessica Chastain beamed down some judgment from her spaceship-sized intellect by posting a Guardian article titled (brace yourself):
“The Blue Origin flight showcased the utter defeat of American feminism.”
Whew. That’s not just tea. That’s boiling rocket fuel. ☕🚀

The article basically called the mission “empowerment-lite” — as if feminism had been filtered through a unicorn frappuccino. It critiqued the vibe as “girlish silliness,” which, okay, kind of sounds like a rejected Sailor Moon reboot.

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So now we’ve got:
– Jessica Alba saying “Let the girls float in peace!”
– Jessica Chastain saying “Girl, what are we floating for?”

Twitter (sorry, X) is now a cosmic battlefield, and we’re just here watching with popcorn and a telescope.

One thing’s for sure: when it comes to feminism, billionaires, and space travel, the tea is less zero gravity and more maximum drama.

Jessica Alba Blasts Haters From Orbit, While Jessica Chastain Throws Shade From Earth in Space Girl Drama!

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