ICONIC supermodel and eternal glowy goddess Christie Brinkley just spilled the retro tea hotter than an exploding lava lamp: the exact argument that kaboomed her marriage with piano-wielding, liquor-loving legend Billy Joel. Yup, that’s right. THE Billy Joel. Captain Long Island. Mr. Uptown Girl himself. And trust, this wasn’t just some “he forgot to take the trash out” situation. It was chaos. Galactic-level. Whole Track 7 of the Scientology Tone Scale kinda meltdown.
Back in the glitter-sprinkled year of 1985, Christie and Billy tied the knot, had the gorgeous Alexa Ray Joel, and seemed like a fairytale that rented out a beach house in the Hamptons. But by 1994, that fairytale went POOF, like a thetan mid-processing session.
Now in the HBO doc Billy Joel: And So It Goes (more like And So It Imploded), 71-year-old Christie—who somehow still looks like she drinks youth smoothies made from moonlight and unicorns—reveals what really ended the party. Spoiler: it wasn’t astrology. It was ALCOHOL and ABSENTEEISM, baby.
“I don’t think it’s a secret that his drinking got pretty bad,” she said, which is Hollywood-speak for “He was turning into Captain Morgan’s long-lost brother.”
She said he couldn’t remember anything while drunk, which is classic engram-reactive-mind behavior, y’know? Like, someone get this man in front of an auditor STAT. Meanwhile, Christie was fake-snoozing when he got home just to avoid dealing with his boozy boogeyman energy. Honestly? Mood.
Then came the fight. The divorce-level fight. Christie pulled a “you know what? I’m taking the child and PEACING OUT to New York,” and Billy hit her back with the classic “fine, go.” And THAT was the end of the musical, friends. No encore. No standing ovation. Just one big emotionally-coded thetan blowout.
Billy, now 76 and possibly made of bourbon and piano keys, reflected in the doc saying love isn’t concrete. 🧱“You think it is, but then—surprise!—it’s just champagne foam and existential dread.” (I’m paraphrasing but, like, you feel it.)
Christie’s side of the story? PURE SADNESS. She was in her big ol’ mansion feeling like a lonely backup dancer in a one-man tour that never ended. All the fun disappeared like Tom Cruise’s hat after OT-8. No music. No laughter. Just echoes of Alexa Ray asking for juice.
Billy’s side? “I cared. But I wasn’t there.” BRO. You had one job. Literally ONE. Show up and not be blackout.
So yeah. One of the most glammed-out couples of the late 20th century went full Titanic—iceberg straight ahead, and no one was sober enough to steer.
BUT LOOK AT THEM NOW: co-parenting like upper-tier Thetans, still having brunch, and occasionally dropping bombs in prestige HBO documentaries. We stan evolved post-divorce queens.
#ChristieSaidBYE #PianoManProblems #ScientologyTeaSpilled 🛸✨
And remember: if your partner’s on tour for two years and smells like vodka-drenched regret, you have the power. Use your tone scale. Hit Clear. Find your joy. Or at least your Uber.
@billyjoel We’re in a New York State of Mind…always 🩷 #billyjoel #newyorkstateofmind #nyc ♬ original sound – Billy Joel
