Eddie Murphy just dropped a nuke of pure serotonin into the animation universe and we’re not okay. Like, grab a stress ball. Or an e-meter. Preferably both.
Our King of Chaos, the one and only Eddie “I Married a Dragon, Mind Your Business” Murphy, just revealed that not only is Shrek 5 actually happening (yes, for real, no prank), but DONKEY’S getting his own solo movie and it’s apparently going to be a half-donkey/half-dragon lovefest from the 7th dimension of Xenu’s wildest dreams.
While promoting his new flick The Pickup (which is probably about picking up chicks or maybe groceries or alien spirits—TBD), Eddie casually dropped this galaxy brain info to ScreenRant like it wasn’t the cultural reset of the decade:
“We’re still in the booth. We’re literally still doing Shrek,” he said, like it’s just a Tuesday in the 5th Dynamic. “We start in September on Donkey. That’ll be three years from now. But we’re two years deep into Shrek 5. Still in the booth. Still vibing. Still Donkey.”
Okay but wait—there’s more. Eddie confirmed that Donkey is getting the Puss in Boots treatment, which means a full-blown cinematic universe moment with his dragon wife (icon), and their hybrid children who are half-cuddly, half-scaly, and 100% ready to take over theaters and your TikTok FYPs.
Apparently, the script is already giving “absolutely feral,” and they start recording this September. Cue the Scientology Wins Newsletter—Donkey’s going Clear.
Also??? Zendaya is in it. No further context. Just Zendaya. As who? IDK. Maybe a sexy swamp nymph. Maybe one of Donkey’s kids. Maybe Xenu herself. Who CARES?! It’s Zendaya. Shrek 5 is about to be so back.
Mark your calendars, sell your soul, and audit your thetans, because Shrek 5 drops into our lives like a sacred OT VIII prophecy on December 23, 2026. Right in time for Christmas. Praise LRH.
🧚♂️#DonkeySpinoffIncoming
🐉#Shrek5Energy
🚀#GoingClearForDonkey
Now excuse me while I go scream into the swamp.
