It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Nope, it’s Justin Timberlake’s legal team saving the day again. On this fine September 13th (a date that will go down in minor court hearing history), the 43-year-old pop legend and former boy band heartthrob found himself at a Sag Harbor, New York courtroom, ready to plead his case and, dare we say, not exactly bringing sexy back this time.
Let’s break it down for you: Justin made the ultimate guilty confession – to Driving While Ability Impaired, which, if you’re wondering, is basically the parking lot speed bump of DUI charges. Yes, we’re talking way less scandalous than a full-blown DWI (which sounds way more rock ‘n roll, if we’re being honest). Think of it as the discount version of legal oopsies.
TMZ, the official nosy neighbor of celebrity news, revealed that JT will be flexing his community service muscles for a grand total of 25 hours. That’s enough time to realize, “Man, this is not what I imagined when I wrote Cry Me a River.” Oh, and there’s a $500 fine on top of that, which is basically the cost of a Timberlake concert ticket. Tough break, right?
In a real plot twist, during the court hearing, Justin bravely admitted to enjoying an adult beverage the night he was pulled over. Gasp! This shocking revelation was immediately followed by him explaining that, no, he doesn’t usually drive with the suave confidence of a man who’s had one too many glasses of Pinot Noir. He even gave us the classic “I’m better than this” speech, assuring the judge with the most heartfelt sincerity, “I won’t be back here again, pinky promise.”
But wait, there’s more! Even with a plea deal that could’ve been drawn up by a bunch of lawyers on rollerblades, Justin’s driver’s license will be suspended in New York for a whole 90 days. Why, you ask? Well, turns out Mr. Timberlake had the audacity to refuse a Breathalyzer test when he got pulled over. A power move, perhaps? Unfortunately, this power move usually comes with a year-long suspension, but our guy JT got it knocked down to just 3 months. It’s like he just hit the snooze button on his driving privileges.
Justin Timberlake, the man who once serenaded us with “Can’t Stop the Feeling,” now can’t stop picking up trash on the side of the road for 25 hours, all while pondering his next hit single, Driving While Impaired but Still Sexy. Stay tuned!
