David Schwimmer, aka Ross from Friends, once had the chance to swap out his dinosaur fossils for alien goo in Men In Black. That’s right, Men In Black. But instead of suiting up in black and fighting aliens alongside Tommy Lee Jones, David chose…a different path. And no, it wasn’t because he couldn’t fit it into his busy schedule of yelling, “We were on a break!”—but we’ll get to that.
So, while chatting it up on Cush Jumbo’s Origins podcast (and yes, that’s a real name, not a superhero alias), Schwimmer spilled the cosmic beans. The host hit him with the big question: “Did you turn down Men In Black because of Friends?” To which David, with the grace of someone who knows the internet will roast him for decades to come, said, “Nope, not even close.”
Buckle up, because here’s where things get juicy. He explained the Real Reason (cue dramatic music). See, David had just wrapped filming The Pallbearer, a movie that had Gwyneth Paltrow in it—which automatically makes it sound fancy, right? Spoiler alert: it bombed harder than a comedian at a mime convention. But Miramax, the studio behind it, was optimistic. They wanted to lock him into a three-picture deal, but Schwimmer, being the artsy genius he is, had some demands. “Sure, I’ll star in your movies,” he basically said, “but let me direct my own flick with my entire theatre company of unknown actors. We’re talking a real avant-garde masterpiece.”
Months of negotiations later, Schwimmer finally gets the green light: three movies for Miramax, and he gets to direct a film that would definitely make all his theatre pals famous. This was supposed to be the summer blockbuster that no one asked for but everyone needed. They were so pumped they all quit their jobs to be part of this six-week Chicago shoot! Pre-production was rolling, the crew was hired, Schwimmer was ready to call “Action!”, and then…the Universe said, “Hold my coffee.”
Out of nowhere, Men In Black came knocking on his door like, “Hey, wanna be a galaxy defender?” And Schwimmer, caught between the stars and his theatre pals, had to make a call. His summer break from Friends? Four months. Men In Black filming schedule? Oh, look at that—exactly the same time. The perfect storm of scheduling chaos.
So what does Schwimmer do? He turns down Men In Black. Yeah, you read that right. He passed on alien-smashing, quip-throwing, sunglasses-wearing movie stardom because he didn’t want to ditch his theatre company. A noble act, yes. But let’s be real, it’s like saying “no” to a golden goose because you’re really committed to hand-raising ducks.
David’s directorial debut, Since You’ve Been Gone, ended up premiering as a TV movie in 1998. Not exactly the global sci-fi sensation Men In Black became, but hey, it’s something! Meanwhile, Will Smith swooped in, saved the Earth from extraterrestrial threats, and became a megastar while Schwimmer kept his career on a, let’s call it, “Ross-like” trajectory.
Years later, Schwimmer reflected on his decision with the kind of calm resignation you’d expect from someone who realizes they could’ve been on movie posters and lunchboxes worldwide. “You gotta follow your gut,” he said, probably holding back a tear. “If I had taken Men In Black, my life would’ve gone in a very different direction.” You know, like…famous-movie-star-with-his-own-action-figure direction.
Moral of the story? When faced with the choice between a group of Chicago thespians and an alien-blasting, blockbuster franchise, go with the aliens. Every. Single. Time.
