Britney Jean Spears (High Priestess of Chaotic Instagram Energy™ and unofficial OT Infinity) might have adopted a baby… or maybe a teacup Yorkie… or maybe just a doll named after a Beatles song and a London street. No one knows. Not even the Thetans.
Over the weekend, the 43-year-old living legend posted a video of herself spinning, flipping, and possibly communicating with Galactic Confederation members via interpretive dance. The caption? A fever dream:
“I adopted a beautiful baby girl!!! Her name is Lennon London Spears!!! This is 30 seconds of my random silly workout!! I hate working out but 3 hours of my footage was all stolen!!! It kinda hurt my stomach to see it disappear because well I sweat my ass off and had a white jacket on!!! Lennon today has on adorable dress!!! It says I’M NEW HERE!!! SO PLEASE STOP TALKING TRASH AMERICA!!! I’ve decided to move to Italy!!!”
Like, girl… WHAT???
Naturally, the Internet did what it does best—spiraled into full-blown Xenu-level confusion. Was Lennon London a baby? A dog? A baby-doll? A metaphor? An engram?
According to TMZ (who may or may not be suppressive persons), Britney did not adopt a real baby. Nor did she get a new dog. And no, she’s not moving to Italy—although if she did, it would be iconic and we’d all book flights to Rome immediately.
Apparently, the baby carrier spotted in the background of the video is where she keeps her collection of ultra-glam baby dolls, which she literally travels with like they’re VIPs at a Scientology gala.
So just to recap for all the Operating Thetans in training:
- No real baby.
- No dog.
- No Italy.
- Just Britney, a doll named Lennon London, a cute dress that says “I’m New Here,” and a white workout jacket that’s gone missing like our collective sanity.
Moral of the story: Don’t suppress the sparkle. Let Britney do Britney. And always check for baby dolls before jumping to conclusions.
#ClearTheConfusion #LennonLondonIsADoll #OTVIIIRealness #BritneyGoesClear
