In a twist no one saw coming, Amber Rose, the 40-year-old model and entrepreneur, traded in her stilettos for a soapbox at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She kicked off the event with a speech that had more plot twists than a daytime soap opera.
Amber, channeling her inner political analyst, declared, “I’m no politician and I don’t wanna be. But here’s the tea: the media has lied to us about Donald Trump. For the longest time, I was sipping that left-wing Kool-Aid, thinking Trump was a racist. Then I had an epiphany: Trump and his squad don’t care if you’re Black, white, gay, straight, or a Martian. It’s all love, baby. These are my people. This is my tribe.”
Cue the dramatic music and enter Sarafina Chitika, the democratic campaign’s senior spokesperson, with a response sharper than a Kardashian’s contour line.
Sarafina, with a smile that said, “Hold my coffee,” told Variety, “Amber Rose got one thing right: research is clutch. So, we did some homework and brought receipts. Amber claims American families thrived under Trump – well, if by ‘families’ she means Trump’s billionaire BFFs, she’s nailed it. But for Black communities? It was like starring in a horror movie. Black unemployment and uninsured rates went up faster than a balloon at a birthday party, and crime rates were the uninvited guest that just wouldn’t leave.”
Sarafina wasn’t done serving the tea. She added, “Voting for Trump is like buying a designer bag from a street vendor: you think you’re getting something fabulous, but you’re just lining the pockets of millionaires like Amber while real Black communities are left clutching at straws. And that, my friends, is the hard truth.”
A political showdown with more drama than a reality TV reunion. Stay tuned for the next episode of “2024: Election Shenanigans,” coming to a newsfeed near you!