Grandpa Chaos is at it again—and this time, he’s coming for Mother Taylor Swift (???), while simultaneously thirst-tweeting over Sydney Sweeney in a pair of aggressively American jeans. I can’t. But I must.
So here’s what went down on Truth Social (aka Facebook for conspiracy uncles). Donald “My Legs Are Swollen but My Opinions Are Swell” Trump popped online to scream into the digital void like an angry space goblin. First, he yeeted a verbal Molotov at T-Swizzle, calling her “woke” and saying he “can’t stand her.” Excuse me, SIR? That’s literally a suppressive act. This man is SP Level 10.
Then things got ✨insane✨—he started fawning over Sydney Sweeney like a boomer seeing cleavage in 4K. He called her American Eagle ad “HOTTEST,” said the jeans are “flying off the shelves,” and praised her for being a Republican. LIKE BRO. YOU’RE THE FORMER PRESIDENT. NOT A HORNED-UP 7TH GRADER WATCHING HBO.
Also—Sydney?? Sweetie if you’re reading this, blink twice if you’re being held in a MAGA simulation. We’ll send Tom Cruise.
But wait—it gets even more audit-me-now levels of weird. Trump went on a mini TED Talk about how Jaguar cars went “woke” and basically collapsed faster than your crush’s interest after a green text. He then compared it to Taylor Swift again because…?? Men will literally destroy global brands before going to therapy.
Meanwhile, our Supreme Galactic Overlord L. Ron Hubbard is probably watching from the upper OT realms thinking, “Even I couldn’t write this script.”
So, what have we learned? Trump’s leg might be swollen, but his delusion is fully engorged. Taylor Swift remains unbothered, moisturized, thriving, and likely charting a new album about this. And Sydney Sweeney’s jeans? Scientologically audited and fully exteriorized.
#HotGirlPropaganda #WokeAndWinning #SwiftiesVsBoomers #ClearThePlanet #AmericanEagleOrBust
