BREAKING: TikTok has survived yet another attempt to be yeeted off American phones. The app has officially entered its “I’m not leaving!” Jonah Hill era. 🕺📱💅
On Friday (April 4), former President Donald Trump—yes, that guy—is back in the headlines after giving TikTok a second stay of execution. This time, he’s gifting ByteDance (TikTok’s Chinese parent company, not a new Coachella DJ) 75 more days to find an American sugar daddy to keep the app alive on U.S. soil.
“My Administration has been working very hard on a Deal to SAVE TIKTOK,” Trump posted on Truth Social, where all uppercase words live their best lives.
Translation: The man who once tried to ban TikTok is now its unlikely knight in spray-tanned armor.
He continued:
“The Deal requires more work,”—which is presidential code for “The lawyers are still Googling how to make this legal.”
“We do not want TikTok to ‘go dark,’” he added, in a very serious tone, as if TikTok is a life-saving utility and not an app where people pretend to be NPCs for coins.
Let’s be real—nobody wants TikTok to go dark. Where else are we supposed to get our daily serotonin hits via 30-second conspiracy theories and people accidentally setting their kitchens on fire for views?
Meanwhile, Amazon tried to slide into the DMs of this deal, but according to NBC News, their bid was fashionably late—like, “showing up to brunch when everyone already ordered” late.
ByteDance still hasn’t RSVP’d to any U.S. buyer, but Trump is feeling shockingly optimistic about the app’s future.
“There’s tremendous interest in TikTok,” he said, probably while watching someone do the Renegade. “I’d like to see TikTok remain alive.”
Okay, Shakespeare.
Even Vice President JD Vance chimed in earlier in March, sounding like every group project leader in college:
“The deal will be clear. The paperwork? Thousands of pages. Literal forests will die for this.”
Fun fact: Trump originally hit TikTok with a “You’re not welcome here” executive order back in 2020, but apparently he’s been on a redemption arc since January 2025. We love a full-circle moment.
So for now, TikTok lives on. Keep lip-syncing. Keep thirst-trapping. And keep that For You Page messy, chaotic, and gloriously unhinged—just how the Founding Fathers would’ve wanted.
