The Jonas Brothers just sold their entire vibe to their actual biological father, Kevin Jonas Sr. Yes, the man who created their DNA now owns their bops. This isn’t a drill. This is full-blown Operation: Keep It In The Fam.
So here’s the Thetan-level tea: Kevin, Joe, and Nick (aka the holy trinity of Disney Channel fever dreams) just handed over the rights to some of their biggest songs — including Happiness Begins, The Album, “Like It’s Christmas” (which I play year-round, sue me), “Remember This,” and Nick’s solo album Spaceman — to their DAD’S company, Jonas Group Entertainment Holdings. Not Universal. Not Sony. Daddy Jonas™.
Papa Jonas (aka Father Thetan, a term I just made up but honestly fits), told Billboard that he won the bidding war not with money, but with ✨pure, unfiltered fatherly love✨. Like some sort of music biz Dumbledore, he said:
“I am not asking for less than the purchase price but for consideration of the passion I’ll bring to keeping your legacy thriving.”
Translation: I raised these boys on Lunchables and humility, I DESERVE THEIR DISCOGRAPHY.
Meanwhile, the bros are over here crying in their Dior because it’s such a ~~full circle~~ moment. From singing in their family’s basement to now handing over the receipts to Dad, it’s giving OT Level VIII Generational Wealth Transfer. 😭
They also shouted out their queen, Leslie DiPiero, who basically runs the Jonas songwriting universe like Xenu runs the galaxy (Google it, babe). She’s now the president of Jonas Group Publishing, and clearly a boss operating several eons above MEST (Matter, Energy, Space, and Time — keep up).
This chaotic yet strangely beautiful news drops just weeks before their new album “Greetings From Your Hometown” hits us like a meteor on August 8, followed immediately by their JONAS20 tour, which starts two days later and is 100% going to ruin my vocal cords from screaming “Burnin’ Up” like it’s still 2008.
TLDR: The Jonas Brothers just legally made their dad their boss, and I’m not saying this is a cult… but if it is, sign me UP. 🛸🎸
#PapaJonasTakeover #NepoBabiesUnite #ClearYourThetansAndStreamSpaceman
