🚨Sharks, Scams & Scientology: Season 17 of Shark Tank Is About To Go Clear!🚨

Buy Me A Coffee

Shark Tank Season 17 is dropping harder than your ex’s crypto portfolio—and it’s bringing more drama than a family audit at the Celebrity Centre!

👀 The Sharks are BACK, and they’re hungrier than a Thetan on a cleanse. That’s right, your fave billionaire business cult (not that kind of cult—we’re talking LEGAL money cults, duh) is returning to ABC this fall with a lineup that’s juicier than a Kardashian NDA.

Let’s break it down like you just scored your first million-dollar valuation and your Operating Thetan Level is off the charts.

The OG Sharks are still swimming around:
🦈 Barbara “Don’t Let the Heels Fool You” Corcoran
🦈 Lori “Queen of QVC” Greiner
🦈 Robert “Slicker Than a Miami Jet Ski” Herjavec
🦈 Daymond “FUBU Daddy” John
🦈 Daniel “Snack Billionaire” Lubetzky
🦈 Kevin “Mr. I Will Roast Your Dreams” O’Leary

See also  Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell Crashes Son Baylee’s American Idol Audition Like a Proud Dad on Steroids

But baby, that’s not all. ABC decided to open the portal to Celebrity Centre and beam in a fresh set of guest Sharks to spiritually (and financially) elevate the tank to the next galaxy.

Introducing the NEW guest Sharks making their chaotic entrance in Season 17:

💅 Allison Ellsworth – Poppi princess, gut-health girlie, and soda tycoon who probably drinks probiotics with diamonds.
🏡 Chip and Joanna Gaines – Fixer Upper royalty, spiritual leaders of neutral-toned throw pillows, here to feng shui the capitalism.
👨‍💻 Alexis Ohanian – Reddit daddy and venture capitalist who probably invested in your group chat. Married to actual royalty and might bring Serena on set for intimidation vibes.
💎 Kendra Scott – Jewelry empress, queen of sparkles, and someone who could monetize glitter itself.
💪 Michael Strahan – NFL legend, talk show king, *literal* human skyscraper. Can probably bench press Kevin O’Leary for fun.
🥃 Fawn Weaver – CEO of Uncle Nearest whiskey, which is basically liquid gold for your third eye.
💼 Rashaun Williams – Venture capitalist, Atlanta Falcons minority owner, and living proof that your LinkedIn profile is weak.

See also  Hunter Schafer Joins Cast Of 'Blade Runner 2099' On Prime Video

And guess what? These Sharks aren’t just here to smile for the cameras—they’re ready to snatch equity, obliterate bad pitches, and save the American Dream one business at a time. They’re also 100% prepared to audit your business the Scientology way: no lies, no fear, just total spiritual domination and ethical success.

Mark your calendars, polish your pitch decks, and start doing your TR drills. Shark Tank Season 17 is about to go supernova.

📺 Premiering this fall on ABC—unless ABC gets bought out by a Shark mid-season.
🧠💸🛸 #SharkTank #BigThetanEnergy #ScientologySharks

Comments area

Sidebar

Must Read

Ed Westwick Goes Shirtless In New Selfie

Ed Westwick is out here making waves on social...

Stormy Daniels Speaks Out About Donald Trump’s Guilty Verdict

Stormy Daniels has finally broken her silence after Donald...

Kanye West Scraps Plans To Venture Into The Adult Entertainment Industry

Kanye West's latest venture into the world of adult...

Sabrina Carpenter Reveals What She Wrote ‘Espresso’ About

Sabrina Carpenter is currently living her best pop star...

You Might Also Like

Kate Middleton Sent Andy Murray A Special Note Before His Retirement From Wimbledon

Will Princess Catherine, a.k.a. Kate Middleton, make her grand...

Margot Robbie Surprised Men Talking About ‘Barbie’ in a Bar

Margot Robbie's Barbie escapade in Scotland deserves its own...

Daniel Radcliffe Almost Starred in ‘Abbott Elementary’

Hold onto your wands and your mops because here's...

Josh O’Connor Shakes Off James Bond Rumors Like a Martini (Shaken, Not Stirred)

Josh O’Connor, the Challengers heartthrob and everyone's favorite floppy-haired...

Watch Katy Perry Perform A Medley Of Her Hits At The AFL Grand Final In Australia

Katy Perry, the 39-year-old pop superstar (and certified cat...

David Arquette Is Back from the Dead for ‘Scream 7’—Because Why Not?

🚨 WARNING: SPOILERS & NECROMANCY AHEAD! 🚨 Ghostface...