Shannon Sharpe Takes Sudden Time-Out from ESPN to Deal With Allegations, Drama, and Possibly Unsubscribe from Life for a Bit

Buy Me A Coffee

BREAKING: Shannon Sharpe has officially hit the pause button on his ESPN gig โ€” possibly the only thing more heated than his debates with Stephen A. Smith โ€” and this time, it’s not over LeBron vs. MJ. No, itโ€™s much messier.

The 56-year-old walking meme, protein shake enthusiast, and First Take co-host is stepping away from the sports network after being hit with a $50 million civil lawsuit alleging sexual assault. Yeah, that’s not the kind of “first take” anyone wants.

Sharpe has denied everything with the energy of someone being blamed for something at a family cookout: โ€œIt wasnโ€™t me!โ€ He released a statement that basically said, โ€œThat relationship was 100% consensual, pinky promise.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m stepping aside to focus on my family and respond to these false, disruptive allegations,โ€ he wrote, likely while sipping from a mug labeled “Worldโ€™s Best Undisputed Host.”

โ€œI plan to return in time for the NFL preseason, because nothing heals scandal like a solid segment on Joe Burrowโ€™s passing stats.โ€

Meanwhile, ESPN released their own corporate-speak word salad, saying they โ€œagree with Shannonโ€™s decisionโ€ to step away. Translation: โ€œGood call, buddy. Donโ€™t let the door hit you on the way to the lawyerโ€™s office.โ€

Enter Tony Buzbee, the accuserโ€™s attorney and part-time chaos goblin. He dropped some audio receipts that allegedly feature Sharpe saying things like, โ€œI might choke you in public,โ€ and โ€œIf you say that again, Iโ€™m going to fโ€”king choke the shโ€” out of you.โ€ We donโ€™t know if this was supposed to be roleplay, a threat, or an out-of-context audition for the next Fast & Furious villain. Either way, yikes.

See also  Jason Kelce to Host Late-Night Show on ESPN โ€“ Brace Yourselves for Midnight Madness!

Sharpeโ€™s lawyer, Lanny J. Davis โ€” who sounds like he should be wearing a bowtie and defending cartoon cats โ€” fired back by releasing even spicier text messages from the accuser. These messages allegedly include phrases like:

โ€œPut a dog collar around my neck and choke me with it while youโ€™re fโ€”king me.โ€

So, uhโ€ฆ yeah. This case has now veered into 50 Shades of Confusion. Davis says this whole lawsuit is just a $50 million โ€œshakedown,โ€ which would officially make it the most expensive roleplay misunderstanding in U.S. history.

See also  Wisconsin Woman Turns Into Sherlock Holmes, Busts Office Drink Spiker with Spy Cam

To add even more seasoning to this already messy gumbo, Stephen A. Smith โ€” the Patron Saint of Loud Opinions โ€” addressed the drama on his podcast, sounding like someone trying really hard not to say anything thatโ€™ll get him sued.

โ€œI recruited Shannon, but Iโ€™m not the boss, OK? Jimmy Pitaro is. Thatโ€™s my boss. Iโ€™m just here to yell about sports and wear sharp suits.โ€

Stephen A. then name-dropped Disney co-chairman Jimmy Pitaro, who basically gave the corporate version of: โ€œWeโ€™re looking into it. Please stop asking us things.โ€

See also  Russell Brand Breaks Out His Most Serious Face in New Video: โ€œI Was a Wild Lad, But Not That Wild!โ€

So now, we wait. Will Shannon Sharpe return in time for football season with more commentary and fewer headlines? Will ESPN replace him with a cardboard cutout of Skip Bayless just for the drama? Will someone please make a documentary out of this?

Stay tuned โ€” this saga is far from over, and frankly, itโ€™s wilder than anything on NFL RedZone.

Comments area

Sidebar

Must Read

Joe Exoticโ€™s Hubby Freed from the Clink, Immediately Launched to Mexico Like a Human Piรฑata

Joe Exoticโ€™s husband just did the olโ€™ prison-to-plane speedrun,...

Katy Perry Has Replaced Her Engagement Ring

Guess what? Katy Perry just turned Los Angeles into...

Mandy Moore Moves In with Hilary Duff: Hollywood’s New Sitcom Premise, Courtesy of L.A. Fires

When life gives you wildfires, makeโ€ฆ new reality TV-worthy...

Keshaโ€™s New Song “Delusional” is Basically an Ex Roast in Melody Form

Kesha is back, yโ€™all! And she didnโ€™t come to...

You Might Also Like

Tom Holland Crashes Zendayaโ€™s Euphoria Set Like the World’s Cutest Stage Dad

BREAKING NEWS: Tom Holland and Zendaya are officially that...

Taylor Lautner Spotted Dancing At Ex Taylor Swift’s ‘Eras’ Show In London

London's Wembley Stadium has seen its share of legendary...

Diddy Issues Statement After Being Accused of Rape and Assault From Four Women

Sean "Diddy" Combs just dropped a statement that's juicier...

‘Real Housewives’ Star Kim Zolciak Could Soon Be Homeless

Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann have just dropped a...

Celine Dion Will Not Be Paid For Her Performance At The Paris Olympics

Cรฉline Dion might just make a jaw-dropping comeback at...

Amanda Bynes Reveals Her Upcoming ‘Asspizza’ Collaboration

Amanda Bynes is strutting her stuff into the fashion...

One Topic Was Made Off-Limits During Tom Brady’s Roast

So, picture this: the grand roast of the one...