In the latest episode of “I Was Married to a Pop Princess but Now I’m Moving On,” Sam Asghari, our favorite 30-year-old aspiring thespian, broke his silence (sort of) about his relationship with the legendary Britney Spears. Yes, the man who was once married to the woman who gave us “Toxic” and “Oops!… I Did It Again” has some thoughts, though they’re more like half-thoughts with a dash of mystery.
So, grab your popcorn, because Sam had a lot to say (by “a lot,” I mean a little). First off, did he read Britney’s memoir, “The Woman in Me”? Nope! And why not, you ask? Because, in his words, “I was there.” I mean, fair point, but come on, Sam! Give the book a skim at least; there’s probably something in there about what Britney really thought of your protein shakes.
For those who forgot, Sam met Britney back in 2016 while they were filming the steamy “Slumber Party” music video. He claims he was all business, saying, “I was focused on work; I was there to be professional.” Ah yes, because nothing says “professional” like catching feelings for one of the most famous women on the planet while she’s decked out in lingerie. But hey, “things happen,” right? Like, you know, falling in love on a music video set. Totally normal office romance stuff.
Britney, it seems, was also vibing hard, because she sent one of her assistants to play Cupid and set up a date. Sam described the whole thing as “so natural.” You know, as natural as having your assistant be the middleman in your budding romance.
Fast forward to the present day—Sam and Britney are no longer a thing, but our boy Sam has found a Zen-like way to deal with the breakup. “When something ends, of course, there’s going to be a moment where you are sad or upset,” he mused, like a wise old monk who’s seen a few Instagram breakups in his day. But don’t worry, he’s totally cool with it. “Just be happy that it ever even happened. Celebrate the past,” he said, likely while staring wistfully into the sunset.
But what about the juicy details of the split? Sorry, not today! Sam’s not here for your drama, people. He won’t dish out the gossip because, according to him, “If my life is private, it’s private.” Apparently, that includes his marriage to one of the most publicly scrutinized women in history.
It’s all part of his mysterious code of honor. “It’s just the values that I have,” he added, channeling his inner knight in shining armor. Even his friends have been left in the dark. One buddy confessed, “I really don’t know too many details.” I’m imagining this friend sitting in a coffee shop with Sam, gently prodding for tea, only to get hit with a brick wall of “honorable” vagueness.
And let’s not forget the one cryptic comment that Sam did make about Britney and her infamous conservatorship: “There were so many bad people in their life that took advantage of this person.” Mic drop. Vague, yet somehow enough to keep the conspiracy theories alive and well.
Sam Asghari’s masterclass in saying a lot without saying much at all. Maybe his next role should be as a magician—because he’s great at making details disappear.
