Russell Brand has popped up on the internet again.
The 49-year-old walking thesaurus, known for dressing like a Victorian vampire attending Coachella, has officially denied multiple charges of rape and sexual assault that were filed in London on April 4. The accusations, which span all the way back to 1999 (yes, before some of y’all were even born), come from four separate women and follow an investigation that kicked off in 2023.
So how did Russell respond? Not with a lawyer or a press release — pfft, boring! No, sir. He whipped out his camera and gave us a classic Russell Brand soliloquy on X/Twitter. Because nothing says “serious legal defense” like a moody video on Elon Musk’s favorite playground.
In the clip, Russell channels “guy who once read one article about political corruption and now won’t stop talking about it at parties.” He says, “We’re very fortunate to live in a time when there’s so little trust in the British government…” which is a bold opening line for someone trying to beat criminal charges, but sure, let’s ride.
He then goes full “the system is broken” mode, implying that the legal system is just a big ol’ game of Uno being played by shady government officials who forgot the rules. “How do you feel about your legal system right now?” he asks, like your uncle after two IPAs on Christmas.
Then came the Russell Redemption Arc. He admits, in a very Shakespearean way, that he was once a “fool” — which, in this case, translates to: drug addict, sex addict, and overall chaotic man-child. But he makes one thing clear: “What I never was, was a rapist.” He insists all his escapades were consensual and urges you to look into his eyes for the truth. Which, respectfully, sounds like something a hypnotist would say right before making you cluck like a chicken.
He wraps it up by thanking fans for the support — presumably the same people who still quote Forgetting Sarah Marshall in casual conversation.
– Russell Brand has denied the new criminal charges.
– He continues to say all prior and current allegations are false.
– And he has now officially added “British government critic” and “video monologue enthusiast” to his LinkedIn.
Stay tuned for more updates, or possibly a follow-up video where he breaks down the legal system using sock puppets and astrology. Either way — we’ll be watching. 👀
My response. pic.twitter.com/wJMGxlwBh0
— Russell Brand (@rustyrockets) April 4, 2025
