The one and only Richard Simmons is being honored in the most Richard Simmons way possible—by being remembered in his legendary outfit. You know the one—those iconic, barely-there tank tops and shorts that made you question just how much fabric one person could \not wear while still being legally clothed.
So here we are at the St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans, where Richard’s celebration of life went down on October 5. Now, picture this: instead of a somber, black-tie affair, imagine an aerobics class with a heavenly twist. Yes, Richard’s brother Lenny Simmons took the mic and spilled some insider tea that would make even the angels do a double take.
“Listen up, y’all,” Lenny basically said (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the vibe). “Richard, much like Superman who’s always rocking that spandex under his Clark Kent suit, is currently rocking his signature workout gear underneath his final earthly ensemble. Yep, you heard that right—he’s up there in heaven, fully prepared to put the saints and angels through the sweatiest, sassiest celestial aerobics class ever known to man—or angel, for that matter!”
Why, you ask? Oh, don’t worry, Lenny had an answer. “Because,” he explained with the confidence of a man who’s seen Richard sweat it out in every rainbow-colored outfit imaginable, “God has a plan. And apparently, that plan includes making sure heaven’s finest are in tip-top shape. And who better than Richard Simmons to lead the charge? Who else is going to make sure those harps are played with perfectly toned arms?!”
Lenny wrapped things up with what can only be described as the kind of mic-drop moment Richard himself would’ve loved. “Just know this: Richard Simmons may not be physically with us anymore, but he is 100% up there, sweating with the Holies!”
And as if this wasn’t enough drama for one day, there’s a plot twist straight out of a soap opera. While angels are getting into shape, back on Earth, a legal battle is brewing—yes, between his family and his housekeeper. Because why settle for one kind of drama when you can have a fitness legend, celestial workouts, and a courtroom showdown all in one story?
But don’t worry, no matter how the legal stuff shakes out, one thing’s for sure: somewhere in the great beyond, Richard Simmons is making sure those halos fit just right!
