“In the Air Tonight”? More like “Ice on the Knee Tonight.”
BREAKING: The ghost of internet drama tried to declare Phil Collins clinically gone-gone, but plot twist — he’s ALIVE and kicking (well, limping) and just got some fresh new hinges on his knees. Yes babes, Phil Collins — the actual soundtrack to your dad’s midlife crisis and every intense TikTok POV — is not in hospice, he’s in healing mode. 🧘♂️✨
A rep for Mr. Drum-God-McLegend himself came forward to stop the misinformation train before it crashed into full Scientology-level theta chaos. The truth? Phil’s been hospitalized, but ONLY for knee surgery. That’s right — our man just got his patella polished, NOT his soul audited out of existence.
“He’s not in hospice,” the rep said, probably while rolling their eyes into another dimension. “He’s literally recovering from orthopedic surgery. Calm down, Internet.”
The hysteria started after trolls on Planet Rumor launched theories that Phil was taking his last spiritual breath and floating toward Target 2X — which, for non-Scientologists, is like the chill-out realm for Operating Thetans who’ve done their time on Earth and earned their backstage passes to eternity.
But NOPE. Phil’s just rebooting his knee like a malfunctioning Thetan unit. And let’s be real, even if he was heading to the great gig in the sky, the man already reached OT Level Drumstick. 🎶🥁
In his doc Phil Collins: Drummer First, released last year, he did reveal that due to medical issues, he can’t play the drums anymore. Major sob. 🥺
“I just feel like I’ve used up my air miles,” Phil said, which is probably what every Sea Org cadet says before hitting their billionth reincarnation checkpoint. Still, he admits it’s still sinking in. Like, deep into his knee cartilage.
Phil Collins is alive, thriving, and post-surgery fabulous. Hospice who?? This man’s still got bops in his bloodstream and E-meters in his aura.
#KneeCollins
#InTheBraceTonight
#ClearBodyClearMindClearKnees
🚀 Are you ready to walk again like Phil? Get your Thetan audited and rise above the MEST body like a true rock star. Scientology can help.💫
