A tale of eyelashes, awkward monologues, and one incredibly panicked pretty boy. Yes, we’re talking about Timothée “Cheekbones” Chalamet and comedy assassin Nikki Glaser, who almost turned the Golden Globes into a one-woman roast of America’s favorite indie heartthrob.
So back in January, when Nikki Glaser was handed the mic at the Golden Globes (possibly by mistake?), she used her moment in the spotlight not to thank her parents or call for world peace — no, no. She came armed with jokes, and one of them had Timmy’s name written all over it.
Here’s the zinger:
“Timothée Chalamet, you have the most gorgeous eyelashes — on your upper lip.”
Boom. Roasted. But wait, she wasn’t done.
“You were so good in A Complete Unknown as Bob Dylan. I read that your singing voice was so accurate even Bob Dylan admitted it was absolutely horrible.”
Savagery with a smile.
Apparently, this didn’t sit well with Mr. Chalamet, who almost did a full red carpet disappearing act just to avoid the incoming Glaser-ade. According to Nikki, Timmy nearly skipped her monologue entirely — like, planned to show up fashionably late just to dodge the comedy napalm.
“He was gonna ghost my speech,” Nikki confessed at the Time100 Summit (where truth bombs go to live). “And honestly, I get it. His girlfriend’s already the human embodiment of a punchline magnet. The man just wanted one drama-free evening in a fancy suit.”
And before you start thinking Nikki’s some kind of heartless joke sniper, she says she did try to play nice. She even gave Timmy’s publicist a heads-up like, “Hey, no spoilers, but just so you know, your boy’s mustache is about to get more airtime than his actual movie.”
But Nikki swears it came from a place of love. “I would never ruin his night,” she insisted. “I love Timothée! My jokes are like awkward hugs — a little painful, but they come from affection.”
Timmy almost dipped. Nikki roasted. No feelings were (publicly) harmed in the making of this Hollywood awkwardfest. And somewhere, Bob Dylan probably just shrugged and went back to not caring.
🎤
