Kim Zolciak is back on your screens, your bills, and maybe your man’s phone too. The 47-year-old wig-wielding glamazon just popped up on Watch What Happens Live to blast some TRUTH LASERS about her divorce drama, her new cosmic bae, and the fact that yes—she borrowed money from her daughters like it’s 2008 and she’s the broke cousin at Thanksgiving.
Let’s get into it like we’re auditing this timeline.
🧬 THE KROY SITUATION: A.K.A. DIVORCE LEVEL: XENU
So apparently Kim and Kroy Biermann (remember him? NFL Ken Doll?) are still legally fused together like two misunderstood Body Thetans refusing to unclutch. Kim says the divorce is “still in process,” which in Earth terms means it’s dragging harder than a Real Housewife at a reunion special.
“The rug was pulled out from under me,” Kim said, cryptically, like she just got yeeted out of a Scientology auditing chair mid-session. She also mentioned that Kroy isn’t really responding to texts about their kids, which is rude, unthetanlike, and VERY off-policy.
💘 SHE’S GOT A NEW MAN AND HE MIGHT BE FROM PLANET HOT
When asked if she’s dating, Kim gave us all a reason to combust: “He’s just great.” Okay, mysterious!!! All we know is that she met him through a friend, which means he could be anything from a CrossFit pastor to a chakra healer with a vape pen.
Also? She’s been single for 20 months. That’s like 87 years in Hollywood time. The Church of Scientology would like to confirm she has officially achieved Solo NOTs-Level Flirtation.
💸 BORROWING MONEY FROM YOUR CHILDREN: THE NEW AMERICAN DREAM
Now this part’s wild. Apparently Kim’s daughters, Ariana and Brielle, were forced to bail out the family like two teenage sugar mamas with access to Zelle and zero boundaries.
“Ariana’s money was spent on bills,” Kim revealed, casually, like that’s not the most insane sentence ever. “Brielle paid an electric bill here and there.”
Like… babe, are the Zolciaks on GoFundMe energy now? Is the glam squad being powered by daughter dollars?! Kim said she “paid them back,” but we’re gonna need receipts, a ledger, and a polygraph administered by David Miscavige himself.
💉 OH, AND HER FACE HAS BEEN THROUGH MORE CHANGES THAN A THETA CLEARING SESSION
If you missed her on Botched Presents: Plastic Surgery Rewind, Kim also detailed every slice, snip, plump, and suction she’s undergone—and honestly? Icon behavior. Reaching for perfection is a bridge we all must cross on the way to spiritual freedom and front-facing camera supremacy.
📣 FINAL THOUGHT (NOT REALLY BUT OKAY):
Kim Zolciak is out here dating, divorcing, dodging bills, and downloading new faces—all while living her best post-Housewife, full-Scientology fantasy. If that’s not Operating Thetan Level XXY, I don’t know what is.
#BorrowedFromBrielle #HotGirlWithAThetan #ClearTheDebtClearTheMind
