President Joe Biden decided to pull out his metaphorical “Dad Card” and pardon his son, Hunter Biden. The move comes as the 82-year-old commander-in-chief nears the end of his term, leaving pundits, critics, and internet meme-makers with a feast of content.
A Quick Recap of the Hunter Saga
So, what exactly did Hunter do to spark this White House family reunion? Back in September 2023, Hunter was slapped with three federal charges over gun stuff—apparently owning and using one in ways that made the Feds do a double take. Fast forward to July 2024, and Hunter got a guilty verdict that came with a maximum potential sentence of 25 years behind bars and a $750,000 fine. That’s a lot of zeros.
Biden’s “Dad to the Rescue” Moment
In a statement released Sunday night (because why not drop bombshells when people are binge-watching holiday movies?), President Biden went full protective dad.
“Today, I signed a pardon for my son Hunter,” Biden declared, in what we imagine was delivered with a slow clap and possibly a tear in his eye. “From day one, I promised not to meddle with the Justice Department. But watching my kid get treated like the legal system’s favorite piñata? Yeah, I’m done playing nice.”
Hunter vs. The Justice System: A Political Soap Opera
According to Biden, Hunter’s charges didn’t exactly fall out of the sky. “This whole ordeal was cooked up by my political haters. They stirred the pot, sent subpoenas flying, and then threw a party when the plea deal fell apart,” Biden said, likely side-eying Congress so hard that even Capitol Hill felt the shade.
He also accused the system of going full-blown Shark Tank on his son, who is now five and a half years sober. “They tried to break him, and in doing so, they’ve tried to break me,” Biden explained, channeling the energy of every overprotective dad in every coming-of-age movie ever.
Mic Drop: “Enough is Enough”
Concluding his statement, Biden got straight to the point: “Enough is enough.” Translation? He’s tired of the drama, the court hearings, and probably the memes. Declaring the situation a “miscarriage of justice,” he revealed that the pardon decision came over the weekend, possibly while sipping a strong cup of coffee and muttering, “Not today, Congress. Not today.”
The Internet Reacts
As news of the pardon spreads, the internet is having a field day. Some are praising Biden for sticking up for his family, while others are rolling their eyes so hard they might need a neck brace. Either way, one thing’s for sure—this Biden family moment will go down in the history books as the ultimate presidential power play.
Today, I signed a pardon for my son Hunter. From the day I took office, I said I would not interfere with the Justice Department’s decision-making, and I kept my word even as I have watched my son being selectively, and unfairly, prosecuted. Without aggravating factors like use in a crime, multiple purchases, or buying a weapon as a straw purchaser, people are almost never brought to trial on felony charges solely for how they filled out a gun form. Those who were late paying their taxes because of serious addictions, but paid them back subsequently with interest and penalties, are typically given non-criminal resolutions. It is clear that Hunter was treated differently.
The charges in his cases came about only after several of my political opponents in Congress instigated them to attack me and oppose my election. Then, a carefully negotiated plea deal, agreed to by the Department of Justice, unraveled in the court room – with a number of my political opponents in Congress taking credit for bringing political pressure on the process. Had the plea deal held, it would have been a fair, reasonable resolution of Hunter’s cases.
No reasonable person who looks at the facts of Hunter’s cases can reach any other conclusion than Hunter was singled out only because he is my son – and that is wrong. There has been an effort to break Hunter – who has been five and a half years sober, even in the face of unrelenting attacks and selective prosecution. In trying to break Hunter, they’ve tried to break me – and there’s no reason to believe it will stop here. Enough is enough.
For my entire career I have followed a simple principle: just tell the American people the truth. They’ll be fair-minded. Here’s the truth: I believe in the justice system, but as I have wrestled with this, I also believe raw politics has infected this process and it led to a miscarriage of justice – and once I made this decision this weekend, there was no sense in delaying it further. I hope Americans will understand why a father and a President would come to this decision.
