Joe Biden Calls Britney Spears Taylor Swift in Thanksgiving Speech

In a gobble-tastic spectacle that doubled as his 81st birthday bash, Joe Biden took the podium for the annual turkey pardoning, but it seems like the holiday spirit got the best of him.

Our fearless leader began by recounting the epic saga of Liberty and Bell, the turkeys of the hour. According to Biden, these feathered celebrities traversed thousands of miles, facing challenges that would make even Beyonce and Taylor Swift nod in sympathetic understanding.

“With blood, sweat, and a whole lot of feathers, Liberty and Bell beat the odds. They worked harder than folks trying to snag tickets to the Renaissance tour or… um, what’s-her-name’s tour,” Biden quirkily mused, momentarily drawing a blank on Taylor Swift’s moniker.

Cue the drumroll, or in this case, the gobble-roll, as Biden, in a stroke of presidential brilliance, confidently declared, “Or Britney’s tour!” Because, you know, Britney is obviously kicking it in the warmth of Brazil right now. Someone might want to tell Biden that Taylor is currently rocking out in Rio for her Eras Tour, but hey, who’s keeping track of pop divas when there are turkeys to pardon?

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