The late-night hosts are back on our screens, but this time, they look more like they’re in an emotional support group than a comedy show lineup. Both Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert had a lot to say about Donald Trump pulling off another presidential win, and it’s safe to say neither of them were exactly popping champagne.
First up, Jimmy Kimmel. He came out swinging, saying, “We had a choice between a prosecutor and a criminal, and guess what? We went with the criminal!” A bit dramatic, sure, but I mean, who doesn’t love a little courtroom drama, right? He went on to look genuinely heartbroken, like a guy who just found out his favorite taco truck went out of business.
But he didn’t stop there. Oh, no. Jimmy took us on a tour of the ultimate “Terrible Night Express.” Women? Terrible night. Children? Terrible night. Immigrants, healthcare, science, journalism, truth, democracy, grandmas on Social Security? Yep, terrible night. It was the world’s worst roll call, and Jimmy was not letting anyone off the hook. He wrapped it up with a little warning to Trump’s voters: “You just don’t realize it yet.” The man went full “I told you so” mode, with just a sprinkle of doomsday.
Now, if you thought Jimmy was on fire, let’s check in with Stephen Colbert, who looked about as thrilled to be on stage as a guy about to open his credit card bill. He started off asking, “How you doing?”—which we all know is code for “we’re in for a bumpy ride.” Then he joked that he didn’t “have” to do a show that night, but he “gets” to do it. Translation: “I get to be the adult in the room during the world’s worst reality show.”
Stephen got sentimental, talking about how no one gets into late-night TV because life went perfectly. (Good news for us, though, because his life was just weird enough to end up behind a desk, giving us gems like this.) He pointed out that the whole thing feels a bit like a joke that somehow turned into a Shakespearean tragedy—and just for fun, he threw in a little limerick attempt about “a man who was orange,” ending with an exasperated “damn it!” Truly, poetry in motion.
But the pièce de résistance? Stephen couldn’t resist referencing Trump’s infamous “microphone incident” at one of his rallies—an event that looked more like a Tinder date gone wrong than a political rally. “Hey, at least we know the mic stand is going to get a happy ending!” he joked, leaving us all with an image we’ll never unsee.
Both hosts delivered their post-election takes with a side of dark humor and a sprinkling of despair. But hey, at least we still have a little laughter—even if it’s the kind where you’re laughing just to keep from crying.
