In the wild world of football (and now, apparently, impromptu phone demolition), Jason Kelce has finally spoken up about what’s being called the “Weekend Smash Heard ‘Round the Lot.” Picture this: the 36-year-old football legend turned philosopher and accidental phone repairman channeled his inner Hulk after a heckler dropped a slur about his brother, Travis Kelce. Spoiler alert: things got…crunchy.
So, what went down? Well, in a moment so heated it could grill your tailgate hot dogs, Jason grabbed the offender’s phone and introduced it to gravity and asphalt in a highly dramatic fashion. Goodbye, screen. Goodbye, selfies. Goodbye, Candy Crush high score.
Jason, who clearly had some explaining to do, popped up on ESPN’s Monday Night Countdown to address the saga. He opened with an air of regret so thick it could only be cut with a Ginsu knife.
“I’m not happy with anything that took place,” he said, with the solemnity of someone admitting they ate the last slice of pizza. “I’m not proud of it,” he added, as fans everywhere clutched their phones a little tighter.
He went on to say, “Within a heated moment, I chose to greet hate with hate, and I don’t think that’s a productive thing.” No, Jason, it isn’t, but it is a great way to remind everyone to get that phone insurance. “I don’t think it leads to discourse,” he admitted, proving that even in the middle of chaos, this man has a vocabulary that’ll put your college essay to shame.
But hey, we’re all human, and even superheroes sometimes smash a phone or two. “In that moment, I fell down to a level that I shouldn’t have,” Jason said, clearly wishing the only thing falling that day had been the guy’s attempt at trash talk. “Bottom line is, I try to live my life by the golden rules,” he added, officially securing his place as both an athlete and a self-help guru.
“I try to treat people with decency and respect. I’m going to keep doing that moving forward,” Jason vowed. And with that, the interview pivoted faster than your fantasy team’s lineup after an injury report. “We got a game to focus on. A matchup. I don’t think this is the platform to necessarily go into more detail,” he concluded, making it clear that if you’re looking for more drama, you’d better head to the sidelines.
Jason Kelce’s phone-flattening moment of fame is a reminder that even the most level-headed among us have our “oops” moments. And while he might not be taking home any awards for conflict resolution, he’s definitely in the running for “Most Dramatic Tech Take-Down of 2024.”