Stop the presses! Gwyneth Paltrow has made a life-altering discovery: bread and cheese are delicious.
The 52-year-old queen of crystals, jade eggs, and $90 candles that smell like her nether regions, has decided to betray her longtime Paleo lifestyle — and she’s doing it for the best reason ever: she’s sick of eating like a caveman.
On the latest episode of The Goop Podcast (which is exactly as Goop-y as you’d imagine), Gwyneth revealed that she and her husband, Brad Falchuk, went full Paleo a few years ago because of “inflammation and health stuff.” (Science words! Serious!) Plus, Gwyneth mentioned she has some APOE3 and APOE4 genes — which in human speak means she’s gotta be extra careful about brain health and Alzheimer’s risks. So, yeah, important stuff… but also, cheese.
For those lucky enough not to have tried it, the Paleo diet is basically:
“Eat like a caveman, but no fun allowed.”
That means fruits, veggies, nuts, meats, and fish — but wave goodbye to dairy, grains, sugar, beans, and anything that tastes remotely like joy.
Anyway, turns out that after years of living like a prehistoric health guru, Gwyneth woke up one morning and said, “You know what? Life’s too short — pass me the sourdough and a wheel of brie.” 🧀
“I’m a little sick of it, if I’m honest,” she admitted, while presumably unwrapping a block of Parmesan like it was a Christmas present.
She added that she’s now dabbling in the forbidden arts: pasta. Yes, she’s full Harry Potter about it, casting spells like “Alfredo!” and “Bolognese!” while twirling linguine around her fork.
Don’t get it twisted though — Gwyneth still thinks eating fresh, whole foods is the move. She’s just doing it now with a warm, cheesy breadstick in hand, like the rest of us.
This isn’t Gwyneth’s first rodeo with diets, either. She shared that when her dad was diagnosed with throat cancer when she was 26, she went full hardcore macrobiotic — aka the diet where you basically live off brown rice, seaweed, and sadness.
“I got kind of obsessed with eating very, very healthily,” she said, which we all know is code for “I made it my entire personality for a while.”
Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, her dad wasn’t exactly feeling her brown-rice-chic lifestyle. (“No thanks, sweetie, I’ll stick with pizza.” — probably.)
You can hear all of this and more if you tune into The Goop Podcast — because where else can you get health advice from someone who once tried to sell you a $15,000 solid gold vibrator?
