Well, well, well. If you thought the wildest thing happening in 2025 would be AI writing breakup songs for influencers… buckle up, because Emily Ratajkowski just rage-launched herself into orbit—but like, emotionally.
Apparently, Emily is not here for the all-lady spaceship party that blasted off courtesy of Jeff Bezos’ sky Uber, Blue Origin. The mission was supposed to be inspirational, but Emily said, “Inspiration? In this economy?!”
Katy Perry, Gayle King, and four other sky divas suited up and zoomed into space on April 14th, turning their girls’ trip into a literal out-of-this-world adventure. But Em-Rata was not clapping from Earth. No ma’am.
“That space mission this morning? That’s end times sh*t,” she said on TikTok, presumably while sipping tea and watching the world burn from a cute Brooklyn apartment. “This is beyond parody.”
She basically gave the mission the same energy we give to celebrities posting climate change awareness from their private jets. Emily went off like a reusable rocket, dragging the whole thing with, “Y’all say you care about Mother Earth but you’re flying into space with a rocket made by the same company that wraps everything in 84 layers of plastic and sends it in a box the size of a microwave.”
Her biggest beef? The irony. All this talk about women empowerment and saving the planet, and then—poof—they’re off on a cosmic vacation, leaving behind a trail of carbon emissions and confused viewers.
“Look at the state of the world,” she added. “We’ve got a global meltdown, oceans are soup, billionaires are LARPing Star Trek, and you’re spending a gazillion dollars for a space selfie?! I’m DISGUSTED.”
Mic drop. Zero gravity edition.
Oh, and if you forgot who’s behind Blue Origin, it’s our favorite bald space uncle, Jeff Bezos. His fiancée, Lauren Sanchez, was also onboard, looking like she was ready to narrate a Netflix docuseries titled Desperate Housewives of the Stratosphere.
Emily Ratajkowski wants the girlbosses to sit down, maybe plant a tree, and reconsider launching themselves into space on a rocket that could’ve funded, I don’t know, 8,000 schools and a lifetime supply of iced oat milk lattes.
The planet’s on fire. The billionaires are playing Buzz Lightyear. And Emily’s had enough.
@emrata
