The political telenovela that no one asked for just dropped a wild mid-season twist.
Over the weekend, Colombian presidential hopeful and full-time chaos magnet Miguel Uribe Turbay found himself in a very non-metaphorical crossfire while shaking hands and kissing babies in Bogotá’s Fontibón district. Yes, amigos, he got shot. Like, actual gunfire, not Twitter shade.
The 39-year-old senator (and now accidental action movie protagonist) was mid-campaign hustle when some absolute menace decided to turn his event into a live episode of Narcos: Election Edition. Boom. Gunshots. Screaming. Panic. Probably someone dropping an arepa. CNN says he’s currently in emergency care while the entire city of Bogotá collectively screamed, “¡¿Qué está pasando?!”
Mayor Carlos Galán hit the “panic button” and activated the entire hospital network—translation: every ER, nurse, doctor, and candy-striper in a 20-mile radius got a group text.
The alleged shooter? Arrested. Fast. Like, faster-than-Colombian-coffee fast. And if that wasn’t enough drama, President Gustavo Petro logged on to Twitter/X (or whatever we’re calling it now) to deliver a heart-wrenching eulogy that felt one part Shakespeare, one part telenovela soliloquy:
“I don’t know how to ease your pain. It is the pain of a mother lost, and of a wounded homeland.”
Someone give this man a writing deal, STAT.
Then came the government’s official statement—a 12-course buffet of words that basically said, “This is not just an attack on Miguel. This is an attack on democracy, free speech, and everyone’s right to post cringe campaign videos online without getting shot.”
They doubled down with:
- “We condemn this nonsense!”
- “Violence? In 2025? Grow up.”
- “We stand with Miguel and his squad. Period.”
- “Please, let’s not turn Colombia into the Hunger Games, ok?”
The finale of the statement called for unity, peace, dialogue, and probably a group hug, while low-key reminding everyone that elections should be battles of ideas, not bullets.
Miguel Uribe Turbay is still fighting the good fight (literally and figuratively), and the rest of the nation is watching like it’s the final season of House of Cards: Cartagena Edition.
More updates as this political novela continues—hopefully with less gunfire and more democracy. 💥🗳️🕊️
🔴 El Gobierno Nacional rechaza de manera categórica y contundente el atentado del que fue víctima en las últimas horas el senador de la República, Miguel Uribe Turbay. pic.twitter.com/xeOaiklifu
— Presidencia Colombia 🇨🇴 (@infopresidencia) June 7, 2025
