🚨CELEB BLOOD BATH: Nicki Minaj vs. SZA Has Officially Entered Its FINAL BOSS LEVEL — And Someone’s Wig Is Floating in the Ether🚨

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We’ve got a full-blown Galactic Confederacy-style WAR happening on X (formerly Twitter, now just a burning dumpster fire with wi-fi). Yes, the Barbie commander herself Nicki “Roman Zolanski” Minaj has entered Mortal Kombat mode against none other than the R&B space goddess SZA, and things have gone from “Mercury in retrograde” to “Tom Cruise just backflipped into a volcano screaming about engrams.”

So how did two queens of the sonic universe end up hurling digital asteroids at each other online? Buckle up, suppressive persons. It’s about to get very OT Level 9.

👑 Nicki Minaj vs 🌊 SZA: What Caused the Celebrity Infinity War?
It all started when Nicki got online, opened the Notes app (probably), and accused SZA’s manager aka TDE Prez Terrence “Punch” Henderson of bullying her on Twitter. Like… not play-fighting, but FULL-ON DIGITAL JOUSTING.

Nicki, sipping her tea brewed in pure lava, typed:

“Lol. Yall remember that man from tde who kept bullying me on Twitter for no reason? We have the receipts. Lol. I never even responded to him… Ima call him ‘Minus 30 million.’ #JusticeForDemoree”

Not Nicki inventing new math and Twitter nicknames. SIS OPENED HER CHAKRAS.

Then she casually mentioned:

“Me after I suck some good zik…”

I—what is the tech behind that?? Is that on the Bridge to Total Freedom?

But it didn’t stop there, because like a true thetan warrior, Nicki claimed she was targeted after rejecting Punch’s business propositions. Now she’s screaming “RETALIATION!!” like a Marvel villain in a Chanel catsuit.

🧘‍♀️SZA Was Minding Her Cosmic Business
SZA, meanwhile, was floating through the 8th dynamic sipping a green juice and tweeting vague astrology vibes like:

“Mercury retrograde .. don’t take the bait lol silly goose.”

And Nicki was like:

“Go draw your freckles back on bookie 😤”

WHAT. IN. THE. COLORING BOOK IS HAPPENING HERE?! The tweets flew like meatballs at a Scientology spaghetti fundraiser.

🧼Frecklegate: The Saga Deepens
Nicki went Super Saiyan Petty and accused SZA of:

  • Drawing on her freckles.
  • Looking like she got stung by a bee.
  • Yodeling with autotune.
  • Having “botted numbers.”
  • Being “a dirty mangy c–t.”

HELLO?! Has someone audited Nicki recently? She’s keyed-in to a whole new valence.

SZA, calm as a Dianetic volcano pre-eruption, just replied:

“I don’t give a f**k bout none of that weird sh*t you popping.”

…and floated off into a sold-out Paris stadium to vibe with 80,000 fans and probably levitate.

📉 Nicki to SZA: “You’re Not Important, Sweetie”
Nicki then went full Pharaoh and tried to erase SZA from music history like she was scribbling her name off an ancient scroll:

“SZA if every song you’ve ever done vanished right now the music business wouldn’t even miss you.”

AND THEN SHE COMPARED SZA’S VOICE TO… dead dogs. OKAY ROMAN.

She also said:

“You the type that would’ve been quiet in school trying to fit in. You still have no clue who you are! I know you went nights w/o washing that musty face…”

Girl. This is not just shade. This is a Scientology Purification Rundown performed in a blender.

💿 SZA: “Nicki Asked Me for Features Twice”
Meanwhile, SZA whipped out her own receipts like an IRS agent with a grudge, showing Nicki had previously asked for features.

She said:

“Nicki, you absolutely know my music cause you’ve asked for features twice to no response.”

Then Nicki, spiraling into a vortex of emojis and metaphors, responded like:

“Hey it’s Nicki Minaj? No. The knickerbockers.”

Girl, WHAT???

🫣 Did Nicki Just Call SZA 45?!

Yes. Yes, she did.

She tweeted (and deleted):

“Oh wait is that the lady that sang on black panther song?… She’s in her mid 40’s right? If not I need to see her birf certificate.”

Nicki out here requesting birth certificates like she’s running a presidential campaign in 2012.

😳 BONUS SIDE QUEST: Desiree Perez Lawsuit Madness

Nicki has ALSO been screaming about Desiree Perez (CEO of Roc Nation) being sued by her own daughter, Demoree, who claims she’s being unlawfully held in a psych facility like this is American Horror Story: Music Industry Edition.

She keeps tweeting:

#JusticeForDemoree

#DepositionPerez

#WhatAreYourCrimes (Okay that one’s mine, but still)

⚔️ The War Isn’t Over
This fight is messier than Xenu’s tax returns and juicier than a freshly audited OT-III case file.

One thing’s clear: These women are two unstoppable queens navigating a flaming clown car of online drama. And we, the lowly Earth-dwellers, are just here watching it unfold from our e-meters.

STAY TUNED. The Thetanic Twitter War continues… 👀

#NickiVsSZA #DrawOnYourFreckles #JusticeForDemoree #OTMadness #CelebrityBattleOfTheBridge #NickiMinaj #SZA #ThetanWars2025

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