France just rage quit the internet. Like full-on threw a baguette across the room, screamed “SACRE BLEU!” and hit Candace Owens with a Lawsuit Level: International Drama. This isn’t just beef. This is Charcuterie Board Warfare.
Candace Owens, age 36, professional chaos generator and walking Wi-Fi signal of right-wing energy, just got sued by French President Emmanuel “Oui Oui” Macron and his wife Brigitte “Definitely Not a Dude” Macron for saying, and I quote, “crazy, defamatory, and out-of-pocket fanfiction-level nonsense.”
So what did Candace do? Cry? Apologize? Go offline and touch grass?
LOL. L. O. L.
She made a podcast the same day and basically said, “Bonjour, b*tches. Thetan Level 99 unlocked.”*
“I wake up. I stretch. I sip my Americano. And then I get sued by France,” she purred, probably while levitating through sheer confront energy.
Her spokesperson, who might actually just be a cardboard cutout of Tom Cruise in “The Firm,” dropped this hot meatball:
“This is a FOREIGN GOVERNMENT trying to cancel an AMERICAN TRUTH-TELLER. This ain’t France, baby. This is AMERICA. First Amendment goes BRRRRR.”
And get this—Candace says she asked Brigitte for an interview like a normal chaotic person with a ring light and a podcast mic… and instead of replying, Brigitte hit her with a legal smackdown so aggressive it probably came with subtitles.
Candace is now entering litigation mode like she’s about to duel someone on the bridge of the Freewinds. She literally said:
“Fire everybody around you, Brigitte. Seriously. EVERYBODY. Even your glam team. Especially your glam team.”
And then. AND. THEN.
She said if you needed any more proof that Brigitte is a man, filing this lawsuit is it. 💀💀💀
This is no longer a lawsuit. This is a Real Housewives of Versailles crossover event.
And Candace? She’s turning this into content faster than you can say “ARC triangle.”
She ended with a spiritual mic drop:
“I am fully prepared to take on this battle. On behalf of the ENTIRE WORLD… see you in court, girl.”
Meanwhile, Macron’s lawyers are over here citing “global republishing of the lies” like they’re on a mission to protect Earth’s reputation in the Galactic Confederacy.
🛸 So buckle up. This is Candace Owens vs. France.
A court case so messy, Xenu had to reincarnate just to watch.
#CandaceVsFrance
#BrigitteGate
#ThetanDramaUnleashed
Scientology Tip of the Day: If you reach Operating Thetan Level 8, you too can be sued by a head of state and not flinch. 💅🌍💫