Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have officially called it quits. That’s right – “Bennifer” is now as extinct as Blockbuster, though their drama remains much more available for streaming.
Rumors had been swirling for months – kind of like that smell in your fridge you can’t identify – but Jennifer finally pulled the trigger this week and filed for divorce. Cue the sad violins and slow-motion montages of them gazing at each other in tabloids.
Now, an anonymous “insider” (who we can only assume lives under Ben’s couch or is J.Lo’s favorite Starbucks barista) has spilled the tea. And oh, is it steeped in drama. The source told People that the pair is devastated, with tears flowing like Ben’s Dunkin’ orders.
“They were really gonna give it a shot,” said the source, as if we’re talking about trying out a new diet or committing to watching all of The Office again.
“They did!” they added, presumably with the same energy someone would use to assure you they tried the kale smoothie one time before going back to cheeseburgers.
“These are two people who are deeply in love…with love itself,” the source declared. “And who wouldn’t jump into that?” Ah yes, the classic romance motivator: a mutual affection for the *concept* of affection. Forget compatibility, let’s just both swipe right on the idea of feelings! And hey, the world wanted it! That’s gotta count for something, right?
The source continued to unpack this Shakespearean tragedy, saying that the love was very real. And very fast. Like, “ordering something on Amazon Prime and then realizing you didn’t actually need it” fast. We’ve all been there.
So what exactly went wrong? Were the stars not aligned? Did Ben accidentally spoil the ending to Maid in Manhattan? According to the insider, it’s because they’re simply “very different people.”
Apparently, Jennifer is the human embodiment of a public parade – all glitz, glamour, and Instagram Lives – while Ben is more of an introverted sofa connoisseur. “She’s super public and wants to go out,” the source revealed, “and he’s more of a ‘I’m-good-with-a-blanket-and-a-TV-remote’ kind of guy.” The eternal battle of extrovert vs. introvert, a tale as old as time (or at least as old as rom-coms).
Two people in love with love, separated by the divide of nightclub vs. Netflix, red carpets vs. recliners. Let’s all take a moment to hug our blankets a little tighter and remind ourselves that sometimes, even in Hollywood, love is just… a little too different.
RIP Bennifer (again). May your paparazzi photos live on forever.
