The Justin Baldoni v. Literally Everyone lawsuit just got Thanos-snapped out of existence—and Blake Lively is reportedly somewhere sobbing tears of joy while popping champagne in a silk robe made of unicorn dreams.
In case you missed it (you sweet, sweet offline angel), Baldoni sued Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, The New York Times, your grandma, and probably the concept of joy itself for a casual $400 million. Because why not go full villain origin story, right?
Well, plot twist: the judge laughed in legalese and said “Bye, Felicia” to the whole thing. Poof. Gone. Canceled harder than a Netflix teen drama after one season.
So how did our Queen of Upper East Side Redemption react?
“She cried with relief,” said an anonymous insider, who is either a close friend or a sentient houseplant in Blake’s foyer. “She feels vindicated,” said another, while adjusting their monocle and sipping prosecco out of a Louboutin heel.
Even her legal squad—Esra Hudson and Mike Gottlieb (aka Justice League: Subpoena Edition)—were practically popping bottles in the courthouse lobby. “Today’s opinion is a total victory,” they declared, “and a complete vindication for Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, and that one intern at The New York Times who just wanted a quiet day at work.”
They didn’t stop there. Nope. They went full scorched-earth: “This \$400 million lawsuit was a sham, and the Court saw through it like a fake Birkin bag at brunch.” And now? They’re gearing up to counter sue for attorney’s fees, damages, emotional distress, and possibly one of Justin Baldoni’s man buns.
TL;DR: Blake is free. Ryan is unbothered. The New York Times is proofreading their “Told You So” op-ed. And Justin? Well, let’s hope he’s got a good playlist for the long walk back to the land of delusion.
Court adjourned. Dramatic hair flip. 💅💰📜
