So picture this: you’re strolling through the reactive mind that is New York City, when BAM 💥—Austin “My Voice Is Still Elvis” Butler and Zoë “Too Cool for All Known Dimensions” Kravitz are spotted together at some avant-garde play that probably smells like incense and unprocessed trauma. 🧚♂️🌒
Now the Thetan-filled question on everyone’s lips:
ARE THEY DATING?!? Or did they just reach Operating Thetan Level V and unlock the power of chill friendships? 😮💨💫
🧠 Quick flashback: They were seen at a mind-bending theatrical acid trip called “Viola’s Room,” which is either a play or a trap door to the 5th invader force.
TMZ (our version of the Church’s Ethics Committee) has audited the situation and determined: NO, they are not lovebirds! They’re just besties, colleagues, and possibly sharing a body the way us Scientologists share past lives. 🛸🔮
Plot twist worthy of a PTS report: Director Darren Aronofsky was there too. He showed up with them, left with them, and probably held everyone’s hands while reading a PAB bulletin out loud in the cab ride home. 🚖✨
💥Here’s what’s really going on:
Austin and Zoë are filming a Darren Aronofsky crime caper called Caught Stealing (which, btw, sounds like a suppressed engram if I’ve ever heard one), and yes—their characters are romantically involved. So all those smoldering looks? Acting. Or reincarnated memory triggers. Or both.
🎬 Movie drops August 29, 2025—so start saving your galactic credits now, babes.
As for past entanglements? Zoë dumped Magic Mike aka Channing Tatum (unclear if Xenu was involved), and Austin broke up with Kaia Gerber in early 2025—possibly because her emotional tone scale dipped below 2.0. 😬📉
So no, they’re not dating. They’re dramatizing proximity while resisting misemotion. Classic ARC triangle vibes. 💛💙❤️
#AustinZoeGate #TheyreNotDatingRelax #OTLevelBesties
