HOLY THETANS—we might be getting The Social Network 2 and this time it’s giving… emotional trauma, shirtless coding, and possibly Scientology in the algorithm?? 👀
Word on the intergalactic superhighway (a.k.a. Hollywood Reporter, not to be confused with the OT III materials) is that Mikey Madison (a.k.a. murder princess from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood) and Jeremy Allen White (a.k.a. sweaty sexy chef daddy from The Bear) are like low-key orbiting the lead roles in the sequel to the 2010 drama that made Facebook feel ✨moody✨ and coding look like a Calvin Klein ad.
Let me repeat that in Earth language:
Jeremy “emotional damage with abs” Allen White and Mikey “I set Leonardo DiCaprio on fire” Madison are maybe, possibly, almost definitely-ish starring in the new Social Network sequel.
So what’s this sequel about? No clue. Probably Zuck building a VR simulation where nobody has legs but everyone can still cyberbully each other with AI-generated deepfake memes. Or maybe it’s about Threads. Or Truth Social. Or maybe it’s about Mark Zuckerberg becoming a Muay Thai fighter who accidentally starts Scientology 2.0. Honestly, I don’t care. Inject it into my auditing session immediately.
The legendary Aaron “I-write-dialogue-faster-than-you-scroll-TikTok” Sorkin is back. He’s writing it. He’s directing it. He’s assembling a cast like he’s Thanos with a MacBook. No official contracts have been signed, but sources say Aaron has personally met with Mikey and Jeremy. Probably in some dark LA espresso dungeon filled with scented candles, unspoken trauma, and a guy named Brett who’s always “in between projects.”
Let’s not forget: Sorkin won an Oscar for the first movie. That’s right. A shiny, golden space trophy. And now he’s trying to do it again but with more sweat, more chaos, and hopefully more Jeremy Allen White in a tank top. Jesse Eisenberg (our OG Zuck) has already made it clear he’s distancing himself from Facebook, the Metaverse, and probably also Threads. He’s out. Peace sign emoji. He said “no more coding bros” and “yes to healing my inner child.”
Anyway, this sequel is still in development, meaning it could either be the next Citizen Kane or a 2-hour Google Slides presentation that crashes halfway through. But if it happens—and Jeremy and Mikey get cast—prepare your body, mind, and thetan levels. We’re logging back into the timeline of drama.
🧠 #SocialNetwork2
💻 #JeremyAllenByte
🌌 #ClearYourCacheAndYourReactiveMind
Praise Xenu. Stream The Bear. Stay hydrated.
