Ah, Beyoncé. The mere whisper of her name can send people into a frenzy, causing even the most composed among us to devolve into frenzied stans clutching their edges and hyperventilating. So naturally, when rumors started swirling that Queen Bey herself was going to make a surprise appearance at the Democratic National Convention, chaos ensued.
Picture this: It’s the last day of the DNC, and the rumor mill is cranking at warp speed. By now, people are convinced that Beyoncé is about to parachute down onto the convention stage in a bedazzled pantsuit, delivering democracy through song. TMZ even hopped on the hype train, reporting with absolute confidence, “Beyoncé is COMING, y’all!” (I mean, if TMZ says it, it’s basically gospel, right? Wrong. Very wrong.)
Now, let’s zoom in behind the scenes, where the real circus is happening. DNC’s executive producer Ricky Kirshner, clearly one of the last people clinging to sanity, sat down with THR to spill the tea. “Listen,” he said, probably rubbing his temples. “We never said Beyoncé was coming. Never. We denied it every single time someone asked. But here’s the kicker: even my own staff didn’t believe me!”
Yes, Ricky’s own crew thought he was pulling some next-level reverse psychology. “I’m getting texts from news organizations asking, ‘When’s Beyoncé dropping from the ceiling?’ Like, come on! We already have the Democratic nominee for president. You think we’re gonna overshadow that with Beyoncé? (Okay, we totally would’ve if we could, but no.)”
Then enters Glenn Weiss, the DNC’s director and fellow voice of reason in a world overtaken by Beyoncé conspiracy theories. “This thing took on a life of its own,” Glenn said, probably while trying to keep his phone from buzzing off the hook. “People were sure she was coming. My own staff was pulling me aside like, ‘Okay, Glenn, level with us… she’s coming, right?’ And I’m sitting there like, ‘I literally have no knowledge of this!’ And they go, ‘Ohhh, so you have NO knowledge, huh? Which means you do have some knowledge!’ I mean, it was bananas.”
As the night wore on, the rumor started to reach fever pitch. People were looking up at the rafters, expecting a Beyoncé-shaped silhouette to descend like an angel sent from the heavens. Meanwhile, somewhere in the distance, Ricky and Glenn were probably huddled in a corner, sipping coffee and wondering how on earth they’d become the spokesmen for a Beyoncé-less convention.
Then, the moment of truth arrived: NO BEYONCÉ. The Democratic nominee took the stage, and unless Beyoncé was using some extremely advanced cloaking technology, it became clear that she wasn’t coming.
Finally, after what felt like a national crisis, Beyoncé’s rep swooped in with a statement that said, essentially, “Y’all are wild. None of this is true.”
The DNC wasn’t about to throw the surprise Beyoncé concert of the century. But if they ever decide to combine pop star power with political rallies in the future, let’s just say they better be ready for a whole lot more texts.
