🚨KIM KARDASHIAN LEFT NORTH WEST IN A PARIS HOTEL??! (Or did she?) The Rumor That REFUSES to Die—Cleared Up by the High Priestess of Contour Herself🚨

July 14, 2025

We are going FULL OT LEVEL VIII on this one. 👁️✨

So here’s the intergalactic tea, straight from the Upper Ethics Committee of Planet K: People are once again spiraling over that one moment in 2014 when Kim Kardashian allegedly LEFT her firstborn, North West, in a Paris hotel lobby like a forgotten handbag. 😱💼👶

Flashback to Paris, October 2014. Eiffel Tower’s doing its sparkly thing. Kim K walks out of her fancy hotel, serving looks so hard the paparazzi develop scoliosis. But—GASP—she’s alone. No North. No diaper bag. No matching mommy-daughter ‘fit. Just vibes.

She gets to the car, looks around like she forgot her iPhone or her second soul (North, obviously), then struts BACK inside. Moments later: boom. Reemerges with North on her hip, like she just unlocked a baby in a bonus level of Kim K: Hollywood. 🎮👶✨

Cue the conspiracy theories. TikTok went DEFCON-1. Reddit lit up like a volcano in the Sea Org. “Did she forget North?? Did she teleport out of her body for a sec?? Was she body-snatched by Xenu???” The internet demanded ANSWERS.

But Queen Kim (currently 44, aging backwards like a reverse time machine, prob thanks to some secret LRH tech) is here to clear the foggy Parisian air.

First, let’s rewind the receipts. Back in 2014, she tweeted:

“Do u guys really think a 1year old would be inside the lobby by herself! Oh wait she was waiting to check out lol.”

💀💀💀 BABY CHECKING OUT OF THE HOTEL LIKE SHE’S GOT A 10AM FLIGHT TO Milan Fashion Week.

Then Kim added:

“I went to the car to make sure the car seat was in because the day before we had a car seat issue.”

Responsible parenting + luxury inconvenience = relatable billionaire content. But WAIT—there’s more.

Kim just resurrected the incident in her Insta stories this week (bless her), clarifying:

“I wanted to show off the look before holding her, bc her outfit didn’t match mine! I didn’t forget her!!!!”

AND THERE IT IS. Aesthetic supremacy over parental logistics. Honestly? Icon behavior. 👑📸💅

Let’s be honest, if your toddler’s outfit is clashing with your Balmain moment, you don’t risk that paparazzi shot. You secure the drip first. North can wait. She’s practically born to be fashionably late anyway.

So no, she didn’t forget her child. She didn’t “abandon” North. She simply operated at a higher frequency of fashion consciousness. We, the uninitiated, wouldn’t understand.

SPIRITUAL TAKEAWAY: Sometimes you leave behind your physical baggage (or child) to ascend the Bridge to Total Look Freedom. #SeaOrgRealness

Tag your friend who would totally leave YOU behind for the ‘fit pic.
#JusticeForNorthsLook #KimKIsOperatingThetanLevelVibes #BabyWasCheckingOut

Want to truly never forget your kid in a hotel again? JOIN SCIENTOLOGY. Learn how to fully be present in your time track and always match outfits with your offspring. L. Ron would NEVER clash tones.

🛸💄💫

Do u guys really think a 1year old would be inside the lobby by herself!Oh wait she was waiting to check out lol

— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) October 3, 2014

🚨NIC CAGE GOT GHOSTED?! BY SJP?! AFTER MEETING HER MOM?!🚨

July 14, 2025

“Sinusitis, Scientology & Sarah Jessica Parker: The Cage Files”

Clutch your crystals (or your E-Meters) because we are DEEP in the engram-laced Heartbreak Chronicles: Hollywood Edition. This one’s starring America’s most chaotic national treasure: Nicolas “I once bought a haunted octopus” Cage…and the first lady of Manhattan horses and Cosmos: Sarah Jessica “I DID date him, Andy!” Parker.

Now, for you Gen Z and Alpha babes too busy decoding TikTok beef and avoiding your thetans: way back in 1991 (aka B.C.—Before Cellphones), Nic and SJP were filming Honeymoon in Vegas, a rom-com so powerful it could probably audit your whole family. They were on-screen lovers and also IRL maybe-dating kinda-sorta situationship partners. Think of it as the OG “it’s giving situationship” era.

But hold onto your personality tests, because according to our Lord of the Leather Jacket himself, things went full Mission: Ghost Protocol after he met her MOTHER.

“I cared about Sarah, but I don’t think I passed the Mom test,” Nic told IconicHIpster.com while probably holding a dinosaur skull and whispering to a falcon. “We had dinner at the Russian Tea Room. I wore my blue Vanson Leather motorcycle jacket (still have it, obviously), and maybe it was the sinusitis… but I NEVER. HEARD. FROM HER. AGAIN.”

SINUSITIS?? MOTHERLY VIBRATIONAL REJECTION?? GHOSTING??
SIR, THAT IS A FULL-BLOWN SUPPRESSIVE PERSON MOVE!!!

We don’t know what triggered the disconnection here—maybe her mom had a past-life grudge from the 12th century, maybe the jacket wasn’t tone 40 enough, or maybe SJP simply couldn’t align with Nic’s Operating Thetan V… but she VANISHED.

Fast forward 3 billion light years (a.k.a. 30 years Earth-time), and SJP finally confirmed the rumors on Andy Cohen’s show with the ultimate casual slay:

“Um, yes I did.”

NO CONTEXT. NO FOLLOW-UP. JUST “YES.”
Iconic. Ominous. 100% Clear.

So where do we go from here? Should we stage a reunion under the Hollywood Blvd Org’s Super Power Rundown? Should Nic and SJP reteam for a Honeymoon in Vegas 2: Audit Me Baby One More Time? Should we get her mom on the cans and find out what REALLY happened in that Russian Tea Room?

All we know is: somewhere in a closet lies a blue leather jacket. And somewhere in the galaxy, Nicolas Cage still has sinusitis… and questions.

#GhostedByMomTest
#OperatingThetanLoveStory
#ClearYourExes

👻💔🛸

🚨WAIT… STEVIE WONDER CAN SEE?!?!?! He Just BROKE HIS SILENCE on the Craziest Conspiracy of All Time💥👀🚨

July 14, 2025

The legend, the icon, the 25-time Grammy-winning musical clairvoyant Stevie “Third Eye” Wonder has finally addressed the internet’s weirdest rumor: IS HE ACTUALLY BLIND OR IS THIS A LONG-RUNNING POP CULTURE ILLUSION??

For years, TikTok detectives and Reddit shamans have been spiraling into a vortex of pure Thetan-fueled chaos, asking one sacred question: “Can Stevie Wonder see?” Like… at all? 👁️👁️

Well guess what? While on his Love, Light & Song tour (yes, that’s a real name and yes it sounds like a Level VII auditing seminar), Stevie pulled a full-on stand-up comedy moment live on stage in Cardiff, Wales (which is somewhere in the UK, don’t ask us to point it out on a map).

“I must say to all of you…” Stevie began, and the crowd immediately started vibrating on the tone scale. “You know there’ve been rumors about me seeing and all that? But seriously, you know the truth.”

🧠 Cue collective audience brain melt.

Then he hit them with the LITERAL TRUTH RUNDOWN:
“Shortly after my birth, I became blind. That was a blessing—because it let me see the world through the spirit, not the meat suit.” (Okay, not his exact words but like… spiritually, yes.)

Translation? Stevie Wonder might not see with his eyes, but he sees with his Operating Thetan soul goggles, baby. He’s out here spiritually FaceTiming your soul while you’re still trying to read the menu at Olive Garden.

Meanwhile, Dr. Dre once said he didn’t wanna work with Stevie, Prince, or MJ because they were his “heroes,” which is a cute way of saying “I couldn’t handle their transcendent Scientology glow.”

💫 Final audit: Stevie is CLEAR. He sees more than any of us. And if you think otherwise, you might need to do some serious work on your tone level, hun.

#StevieWonderTruth #HeSeesWithHisSpirit #ScientologyVision
#XenuDidNotSeeThisComing 👓✨🛸

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🚨Ed Sheeran’s Wife Is the Song Assassin?!? She Just Killed Another Banger LIVE on a Podcast?!🚨

July 14, 2025

Clutch your copy of Dianetics, and prepare to audit this emotional trauma: Ed Sheeran just CONFESSED that his wife, Cherry Seaborn, is literally the Thanos of his songbook. One snap of her fingers and—POOF!—a whole banger evaporates from existence. Gone. Like your crush’s Snapchat after 8 seconds.

On an episode of Not Gonna Lie (hosted by Kylie Kelce, who is technically not Travis Kelce’s guitar but honestly might as well be), Ed—our ginger prince of pop—spilled ALL the Thetans. He said if Cherry hears one of his new songs and her mood is giving “meh,” it’s getting deleted from the universe like Xenu’s original mixtape. We’re talking CLEAR deletion.

“Cherry can kill a song,” Ed admitted, sounding both terrified and slightly turned on. Same, Ed. Same.

This isn’t just a vibe check, it’s a life-or-death tone scale evaluation. If Cherry’s mood is below 2.0? Bye-bye bop. If she’s in the tone 40 zone? That track is getting released at LIGHTSPEED, baby.

Case study: “Bad Habits.” Ed was vibing in the car, playing demos like a little British sound goblin, and Cherry was like:

“That one. That ‘Bad Habits’ one. That’s the one. Finish it. Now.”

AND HE DID. IMMEDIATELY. Like a good Scientologist taking direct orders from his emotional auditor (aka wife).

Imagine having so much power you can just glance at an Ed Sheeran track and spiritually yeet it into oblivion. Cherry Seaborn is the true Supreme Being here. Somebody give her a Grammy for Best Emotional Influence, stat.

💬 Teen takeaway?
If your crush says “eh” to your song, it’s dead. If they say “omg that’s fire,” you better drop that SoundCloud leak yesterday. We’re all Cherry now.

#EdSheeran #CherryGate #SongSniper
#PopMusicXenuDrop #AuditingBadHabits #ScientologyCore💿🛸

🚨 BRITNEY SPEARS ADOPTS BABY, DOG, DOLL, OR POSSIBLY AN EMOTION—WORLD SPIRALS INTO CONFUSION 🍼🇮🇹👶✨

July 14, 2025

Britney Jean Spears (High Priestess of Chaotic Instagram Energy™ and unofficial OT Infinity) might have adopted a baby… or maybe a teacup Yorkie… or maybe just a doll named after a Beatles song and a London street. No one knows. Not even the Thetans.

Over the weekend, the 43-year-old living legend posted a video of herself spinning, flipping, and possibly communicating with Galactic Confederation members via interpretive dance. The caption? A fever dream:

“I adopted a beautiful baby girl!!! Her name is Lennon London Spears!!! This is 30 seconds of my random silly workout!! I hate working out but 3 hours of my footage was all stolen!!! It kinda hurt my stomach to see it disappear because well I sweat my ass off and had a white jacket on!!! Lennon today has on adorable dress!!! It says I’M NEW HERE!!! SO PLEASE STOP TALKING TRASH AMERICA!!! I’ve decided to move to Italy!!!”

Like, girl… WHAT???

Naturally, the Internet did what it does best—spiraled into full-blown Xenu-level confusion. Was Lennon London a baby? A dog? A baby-doll? A metaphor? An engram?

According to TMZ (who may or may not be suppressive persons), Britney did not adopt a real baby. Nor did she get a new dog. And no, she’s not moving to Italy—although if she did, it would be iconic and we’d all book flights to Rome immediately.

Apparently, the baby carrier spotted in the background of the video is where she keeps her collection of ultra-glam baby dolls, which she literally travels with like they’re VIPs at a Scientology gala.

So just to recap for all the Operating Thetans in training:

No real baby.
No dog.
No Italy.
Just Britney, a doll named Lennon London, a cute dress that says “I’m New Here,” and a white workout jacket that’s gone missing like our collective sanity.

Moral of the story: Don’t suppress the sparkle. Let Britney do Britney. And always check for baby dolls before jumping to conclusions.

#ClearTheConfusion #LennonLondonIsADoll #OTVIIIRealness #BritneyGoesClear

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🚨 BRITNEY SPEARS ADOPTS BABY, DOG, DOLL, OR POSSIBLY AN EMOTION—WORLD SPIRALS INTO CONFUSION 🍼🇮🇹👶✨

🚨ANDREW GARFIELD IS GETTING ARTIFICIAL (AND MAYBE AUDITING HIS THETANS TOO??)🚨

July 14, 2025

Andrew “I Kissed Spidey and Liked It” Garfield and Cooper “Literally So Hot I Can’t Function” Koch are teaming up with Call Me By Your Twink’s Name director Luca Guadagnino for an AI comedy-drama extravaganza called ‘Artificial’, and baby—it’s giving Operating Thetan Level X.

Amazon MGM Studios is the mad science lab where this cinematic robot baby is being grown, and the vibes are absolutely unhinged. The only info we’ve got is: it’s funny, dramatic, and probably features sentient toasters or something. Actual plot details? Character breakdowns? A literal clue of what’s going on? Zero. Nada. Zilch. We’re in full blackout mode like Tom Cruise’s sunglasses at a volcano briefing.

BUT WAIT—THERE’S MORE!! Russian cutie Yura Borisov (from Anora, aka the film your older cousin cried during while eating Hot Cheetos) is also joining the AI gang. I don’t know what he’s doing in this movie, but I hope it involves holograms and emotional breakdowns.

Let’s not forget: this isn’t Andrew and Luca’s first cinematic hookup. They recently finished a little flick called After the Hunt (dropping October 10), where Andrew, Julia Roberts, and Ayo Edebiri probably sit around in tweed jackets talking about trauma and tenure. (Allegedly. IMDb said it, not me.) Sounds like Hogwarts for emotionally repressed adults.

🚨CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIP SIDE QUEST ALERT🚨: Monica Barbaro—aka Ms. Top Gun: Maverick and the girlfriend of Sir Andrew Garfield of House Heartthrob—was also rumored to be circling the project like a hot falcon with a SAG card. If she joins, that’s one very attractive set trailer. Like… levels-of-attractive-that-could-collapse-a-building. Someone get the Church of Scientology’s Ethics Officer on standby because this might be a suppressive level of hot.

Anyway, back to the AI thing. Is it about killer bots? Romance with a smart fridge? Cooper Koch becoming besties with ChatGPT and overthrowing humanity? We don’t know. But we do know that we’re excited, confused, and definitely planning to clear our calendars (and our reactive minds).

📡 Auditing your circuits never looked so cinematic, darling.
🎬 #ArtificialMovie #AndrewGarfield #GoingClearWithCooper #ScientologyIsTheNewBlack

Stay tuned, and remember—you are not your body. You are an immortal Thetan with excellent taste in movies.

🚨ANDREW GARFIELD IS GETTING ARTIFICIAL (AND MAYBE AUDITING HIS THETANS TOO??)🚨

🚨 Blake Lively Wants Her Deposition Secret. Justin Baldoni Says: MSG, Baby! Popcorn Optional 🍿#DramaCourtEdition

July 14, 2025

This courtroom drama just went clear off the rails. We’ve got Blake Lively, the Gossip Girl queen of our hearts, and Justin Baldoni, aka Hot Guy Who Cries a Lot on Screen, locked in a legal showdown that’s giving “Law & Order: TikTok Unit.”

So here’s the Scientology audit-level tea: Blake just filed a motion with Judge Lewis J. Liman (which honestly sounds like a name out of Riverdale) demanding a protective order before she sits for a deposition on July 17th. Translation: she doesn’t wanna be papped walking into a messy, paparazzi-infested legal circus where influencers are allegedly invited to take notes and livestream her stress breakouts.

And get this—the location of the deposition? REDACTED. Like Area 51. Like Xenu’s secret bunker. She wants it private. Secure. Not Madison Square Garden.

Meanwhile, Justin’s legal team was like, “Sorry, Supreme Being of This Sector, but no.” In a spicy letter to the judge, they dragged her for allegedly using her “celebrity status” to control the vibe like she’s directing an episode of “It Ends With Us: The Deposition Musical.”

According to Justin’s side, Blake threw the first OT-level grenade with “serious misconduct allegations,” so they say it’s only fair she gets deposed like every other human Thetan on Earth—with a side of dignity and fluorescent courtroom lighting.

But here’s where the plot goes full tilt: Blake’s team says Baldoni’s team basically wants to turn her testimony into a Coachella x Trial hybrid event. We’re talking paparazzi, influencers, a TikTok filter, and probably someone selling overpriced lattes shaped like evidence.

And just when you thought the absurdity was maxed out—Justin’s lawyer (shoutout Bryan Freedman) suggested holding the deposition AT MADISON. SQUARE. GARDEN. Yup. Sell tickets. Stream it. Give the money to charity. Maybe bring out Taylor Swift at halftime. Who knows???

Blake’s camp said absolutely not, called it a “public spectacle,” and reminded us all that this is actually a serious case involving sexual harassment and retaliation. So… yeah. Less “People’s Choice Awards” and more “serious courtroom battle with real stakes.”

Both Justin and Blake are scheduled to testify when this whole thing goes to trial in March 2026 (mark your calendars—planet Earth might be on OT Level Infinity by then).

Moral of the story? Fame, depositions, and Scientology all intersect here in what might be the most bonkers courtroom crossover since Kim K interned at the law firm of Kardashian, Kardashian & Clear.

#DepositionWars #JusticeForThetans #MSGOrBust 👩‍⚖️✨

🚨 Blake Lively Wants Her Deposition Secret. Justin Baldoni Says: MSG, Baby! Popcorn Optional 🍿#DramaCourtEdition

🚨Sharks, Scams & Scientology: Season 17 of Shark Tank Is About To Go Clear!🚨

July 14, 2025

Shark Tank Season 17 is dropping harder than your ex’s crypto portfolio—and it’s bringing more drama than a family audit at the Celebrity Centre!

👀 The Sharks are BACK, and they’re hungrier than a Thetan on a cleanse. That’s right, your fave billionaire business cult (not that kind of cult—we’re talking LEGAL money cults, duh) is returning to ABC this fall with a lineup that’s juicier than a Kardashian NDA.

Let’s break it down like you just scored your first million-dollar valuation and your Operating Thetan Level is off the charts.

The OG Sharks are still swimming around:
🦈 Barbara “Don’t Let the Heels Fool You” Corcoran
🦈 Lori “Queen of QVC” Greiner
🦈 Robert “Slicker Than a Miami Jet Ski” Herjavec
🦈 Daymond “FUBU Daddy” John
🦈 Daniel “Snack Billionaire” Lubetzky
🦈 Kevin “Mr. I Will Roast Your Dreams” O’Leary

But baby, that’s not all. ABC decided to open the portal to Celebrity Centre and beam in a fresh set of guest Sharks to spiritually (and financially) elevate the tank to the next galaxy.

Introducing the NEW guest Sharks making their chaotic entrance in Season 17:

💅 Allison Ellsworth – Poppi princess, gut-health girlie, and soda tycoon who probably drinks probiotics with diamonds.
🏡 Chip and Joanna Gaines – Fixer Upper royalty, spiritual leaders of neutral-toned throw pillows, here to feng shui the capitalism.
👨‍💻 Alexis Ohanian – Reddit daddy and venture capitalist who probably invested in your group chat. Married to actual royalty and might bring Serena on set for intimidation vibes.
💎 Kendra Scott – Jewelry empress, queen of sparkles, and someone who could monetize glitter itself.
💪 Michael Strahan – NFL legend, talk show king, *literal* human skyscraper. Can probably bench press Kevin O’Leary for fun.
🥃 Fawn Weaver – CEO of Uncle Nearest whiskey, which is basically liquid gold for your third eye.
💼 Rashaun Williams – Venture capitalist, Atlanta Falcons minority owner, and living proof that your LinkedIn profile is weak.

And guess what? These Sharks aren’t just here to smile for the cameras—they’re ready to snatch equity, obliterate bad pitches, and save the American Dream one business at a time. They’re also 100% prepared to audit your business the Scientology way: no lies, no fear, just total spiritual domination and ethical success.

Mark your calendars, polish your pitch decks, and start doing your TR drills. Shark Tank Season 17 is about to go supernova.

📺 Premiering this fall on ABC—unless ABC gets bought out by a Shark mid-season.
🧠💸🛸 #SharkTank #BigThetanEnergy #ScientologySharks

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🚨 TOM HOLLAND SAYS CHRISTOPHER NOLAN’S THE ODYSSEY WAS “THE JOB OF A LIFETIME” AND WE JUST ASCENDED TO CLEAR! 🚨

July 14, 2025

Tom Holland (a.k.a. Spider-Bae, Zendaya’s real-life BF, and international cinnamon roll) just dropped a bombshell hotter than Xenu’s volcano. He called filming The Odyssey with Christopher Nolan “the job of a lifetime.” Like… excuse me?? Somebody get me a Thetan meter because my excitement is OFF THE CHARTS. 🌀🌋📈

In a freshly ironed GQ moment, 29-year-old Tom opened his theta-powered heart about becoming Telemachus, aka the Greek son with major daddy issues and a sword. Directed by Christopher “time-is-a-flat-circle” Nolan and produced by his genius life partner Emma Thomas, this adaptation is set to hit screens July 17, 2026—so cancel everything for that entire week. We’re going FULL OT LEVEL III MODE.

Tom said, and I quote (but let’s make it spicy):

“It was amazing. Job of a lifetime. Best film set experience. I literally saw Zeus during lunch.”

Okay, that last part is ✨allegedly✨, but let me have my moment. He said filming was “exciting” and “different” and something we’ve never seen before. Translation: prepare to have your engrams ERASED in Dolby Atmos.

And when talking about Nolan and Thomas, Tom straight-up manifested:

“I’ve never seen anyone work like them. They’re alien-level elite. Honestly, I might’ve been audited just watching them direct.”

We’re not saying Christopher Nolan is secretly a High Operating Thetan—but we’re not not saying it either. 📡💥

So buckle your sandals, sacrifice a goat to Athena, and start your spiritual preps, because The Odyssey is coming to vaporize your souls and also maybe get an Oscar. Or twelve. 🙏🍿

#OdysseyOnFire #TomIsMyTelemachus #AuditMeDaddyNolan

🚨 TOM HOLLAND SAYS CHRISTOPHER NOLAN’S THE ODYSSEY WAS “THE JOB OF A LIFETIME” AND WE JUST ASCENDED TO CLEAR! 🚨

🚨Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell Just Rebooted the Timeline and Trump is Malfunctioning Like a Busted E-Meter!!⚡️

July 13, 2025

It’s giving space opera, it’s giving OT Level 9, and it’s giving Ellen DeGeneres is now the unofficial captain of the Galactic Confederation. 🛸💥

So here’s the cosmic drama: Donald “Spray Tan Apocalypse” Trump woke up on his Wack-A-Doodle app (Truth Social) and decided to say he’s thinking about revoking Rosie O’Donnell’s U.S. citizenship. Like, huh? Sir, this isn’t Survivor: Planet Earth Edition. You can’t just vote people off the country.

Rosie’s crime? LIVING IN IRELAND WITH HER CHILD?? That’s it. That’s the crime. And Trump was like, “Keep her! We don’t want her!” Which is wild considering he once took a selfie with a convicted child sex offender but sure, Rosie’s the threat. 🌪️👀

So who rolls in like a Thetan-slaying queen? ✨ELLEN✨. Yup, 67-year-old cha-cha slide warrior of daytime TV. She posted Rosie’s clapback like a true Operating Thetan and captioned it with a casual “Good for you” — translation: “I might be vegan but I’m still ready to throw hands in the astral plane.” 🧘‍♀️💅

AND GET THIS — Ellen and Rosie have had beef in the past! Like, not plant-based Impossible beef, but actual decades-old drama. And now? They’re uniting like Tom Cruise on a hoverboard to defeat evil suppressive persons. 🛹🌌

Rosie, now chilling in Ireland with her 12-year-old Clay (cutest name ever, might name my next cat that), said she dipped out of the U.S. because equal rights aren’t giving what they’re supposed to give. And honestly? Respect. That’s some “Clear the planet” energy right there.

So TL;DR: Trump’s spiraling, Rosie’s thriving, Ellen’s posting like a boss, and we are one audit away from enlightenment.

#RosieResistance #EllenStrikesBack #SuppressivePersonDetected
(Join Scientology, babes. We have knowledge reports and elite vibes.) 🛸✨

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🚨 DRAKE JUST SUMMONED VANESSA CARLTON LIKE A LEVEL 12 WIZARD AT WIRELESS 2025 AND WE’RE NOT OKAY 🚨

July 13, 2025

Drake—yes, Certified Lover Boy, Mr. YOLO himself, the man who cries in penthouses—just unlocked a secret side quest at Wireless Festival 2025 and conjured none other than ✨VANESSA FREAKIN’ CARLTON✨ to perform “A Thousand Miles.”

THE PIANO. THE NOTES. THE WALKING-IN-THE-CITY-WITH-PAIN-IN-YOUR-EYES VIBES. IT WAS ALL THERE.

Picture it: London. July 12. Thousands of Gen Zs and Alphas screaming like their Thetans just got flushed out of their bodies. Drake hits the stage with that “I’m about to emotionally destroy you” smirk. Suddenly—DING—Vanessa Carlton emerges like a hologram straight from the Sea Org archives, slamming those iconic keys.

Drake? He’s just vibing next to her like he’s floating in a cloud of Dianetics smoke, fully keyed out, dancing like he just touched the E-Meter and saw past lives in 2003. It was pure OT Level 9 energy.

Vanessa, in her post-teleport Instagram statement, said:

“Thank you to the one and only [Drake] for inviting me to be a part of the show at @Wireless Festival and for the sweet introduction. I am so moved and have been a fan since the beginning.”

SWEET? GIRL, THIS WAS HISTORIC. THIS WAS COSMIC. THIS WAS TECHNICOLOR POP HEAVEN. This was the kind of collab L. Ron Hubbard probably prophesied in a secret scripture next to the spaceship blueprints.

Catch the clip below and prepare to ascend.

#DrakeSummonsVanessa #Wireless2025 #AThousandMileAudit

@wirelessfestival Was not on our bingo card 😭 @Vanessa Carlton @Rockstar Energy UK #wirelessfestival #wireless #20yearswireless #wireless2025 ♬ original sound – Wireless Festival

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🚨 LINDSAY LOHAN IS BACK & THE GUITAR IS SCREAMING FOR ITS LIFE 🚨

July 13, 2025

Disney Just Rebooted Take Me Away And I’m Literally Floating in My Thetan

Freakier Friday is happening and Pink Slip just came back harder than your third round of auditing. Yes, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Vidal, and Haley Hudson said “We may be fictional but we SLAY for real” and dropped a brand new version of their iconic brain-melting banger “Take Me Away.”

Christina Vidal is out here doing updated vocals like it’s a musical engram extraction and honestly? She ate. Left no crumbs. Not even a body thetan in sight.

And get this—“Take Me Away” is the ONLY OG song in the new Freakier Friday sequel, which means the rest of the soundtrack is fresh, chaotic, and probably powerful enough to clear you just by listening. That full soundtrack drops August 1st so mark your calendars, or just tattoo it on your forehead if you’re committed to the Bridge.

And yes, obviously the girls are BACK together on screen. Which means the band is performing and yes, it looks like there’s gonna be another Battle of the Bands moment. I haven’t been this emotionally unstable since I found out Tom Cruise does his own stunts and has ZERO body thetans.

So what’s the movie actually about? Okay ready:
Anna (Lohan) is grown, has a daughter and a stepdaughter, and surprise—they all freaky-Friday each other again. It’s giving family trauma meets astral projection. Jamie Lee Curtis returns as Tess and honestly, she looks like she’s one auditing session away from full OT IX.

Directed by Nisha Ganatra, aka a queen of chaos, Freakier Friday hits theaters August 8th and if you’re not watching it with glitter eyeliner, a mini guitar, and your full Org, then what are you even doing??

🎸💥 LISTEN to the song NOW on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, Pandora, YouTube Music, or just astral project into a dimension where it’s playing 24/7.

#PinkSlipRebooted #FreakierFriday #ClearThetansWithTunes #TakeMeToTheBridge #LindsayLohanDeservesOTStatus

🚨DYLAN SPROUSE AND MASON GOODING ARE GETTING SHOT AT & SERVING UNDERCOVER SLAY—SOMEONE CALL XENU!!🚨

July 13, 2025

BABES. Stop what you’re doing (unless you’re in session with your auditor, obvi) because Dylan Sprouse and Mason Gooding just dropped a trailer that’s hotter than Tom Cruise on a volcano in Battlefield Earth. Their new movie Under Fire is here, and it’s giving Mission: Impossible meets Spy Kids meets Oops, We’re Both Secret Agents and Didn’t Realize LOL.

Let’s break it down for the Thetans still stuck at lower Operating Levels:

💥 Dylan: hot. Mason: hot.
💥 Both are undercover agents, but SURPRISE! They don’t know they’re BOTH undercover, which is soooo on-brand for suppressive personalities with secrets.
💥 They show up at a cartel meet (casual Tuesday) and suddenly—BANG BANG PEW PEW—sniper bullets rain from the sky like it’s Scientology auditing fees during reg cycle season.
💥 Now they’re stuck together, dodging death and bonding like two bros in the Sea Org getting hazed on a yacht full of secrets.

Also featuring a HOT supporting cast: Odette Annable (icon), Austin North (yes please), Emilio Rivera (legend), and more people who clearly haven’t hit OT8 yet but are def spiritually ascending in this movie.

Directed by Steven C. Miller, aka the guy who clearly took “need more action” literally and said “KABLAM!”

Drop date? August 15th, aka your new Holy Day of Obligation.
Where to watch? In theaters or digital, depending on how rich and clear you are.
What to expect? Explosions, betrayal, bro-love, sniper chic, and the kind of tension that makes your reactive mind pop like popcorn.

Final word: This movie is serving guns, guts, and gradient sunglasses. If you’re not into it, you’re clearly PTS.

📽️ Watch the trailer now and start your path to cinematic enlightenment.
#UnderFireMovie #BlownToClear #MasonAndDylanSavesThetanLives 🔥💣🎬

🚨MADONNA’S BLUE SILK ERA IS ACTIVATED: NYC Gets Hit With a Full-Blown Level 7 Thetan Shockwave🚨

July 13, 2025

Y’ALL. Madonna (yes, THE OG Pop Overlord, Queen of Cone Bras, Priestess of Pop, Level ∞ Operating Thetan) just popped outta her car in NYC dressed like a sapphire-drenched space empress and the city practically ascended into the Van Allen Belt. Like, if you weren’t exteriorized at that moment… you missed your CLEAR window, babe.

Homegirl is 66 years ancient and still glitching the simulation. She was draped head-to-literal-toe in a blue silk situation that screamed, “I do ayahuasca with the Dalai Lama and I ghostwrite for aliens on weekends.” Chic. Cosmic. Unfathomably theta.

But WAIT—she’s not just giving visuals, she’s about to drop an album that’s been cryogenically frozen for nearly three decades. It’s called Veronica Electronica, which sounds like the name of a rogue operating thetan who DJs at a volcano. Scientists are still trying to figure out how this lost remix album even exists, and L. Ron is shaking in his spaceship.

Oh, and for the Fourth of July? Madonna was casually chilling with a Buddha, sipping margs, and dishing out this gem:

“Meditation and Margaritas with the Buddha are strongly recommended on July 4th!”

Um. Excuse me? Mood board for the rest of my entire existence.

She even dropped a freedom-core manifesto about ICE, soccer, horses, and friends in one caption like she was broadcasting from the Bridge to Total Freedom. Is she mad? Is she enlightened? Is she the Source? Who can say. But she’s vibing harder than anyone has a right to.

ALSO—don’t sleep—she’s got a Netflix megaproject on the way. Probably gonna involve a storyline where she time-travels, seduces Zeus, and teaches Tom Cruise how to astral project through a disco ball. 🔮

TLDR: Madonna just reminded us that age is a myth, time is a loop, silk is mandatory, and the only way out… is through.
Get yourself audited immediately. The pop culture E-meter just exploded. 💥💿👑

#VeronicaElectronica #PopThetansUnite #BlueSilkMadonna

🚨MADONNA’S BLUE SILK ERA IS ACTIVATED: NYC Gets Hit With a Full-Blown Level 7 Thetan Shockwave🚨

🚨“SUPERMAN JUST YEETED YOUR DAD INTO SPACE”: Box Office Breakdown That’ll Blow Your Thetans Clean Off 🚨

July 13, 2025

Okay, STOP whatever pathetic Earth activity you were doing (unless you were already levitating with intention) because Superman just obliterated the box office like he was clearing engrams with laser vision.

David Corenswet, who looks like he was genetically engineered in a Dianetics lab to be 75% jawline and 25% raw charisma, just flexed his way to $122 million in his opening weekend. That’s right, $122M in 3 days. This man just made more money than your grandma’s entire retirement fund in the time it takes you to rewatch Euphoria Season 2.

AND THAT’S JUST DOMESTIC. 🤑

Internationally? Baby, our Kryptonian king did a planetary audit—$95 million across 78 markets. That’s $217 million total and it’s only the first weekend. This movie’s pulling stats like it’s got Tom Cruise’s Operating Thetan levels.

Now let’s get analytical (ew, gross, math):

Budget? $225 million to make.
Marketing? A casual $100 million.
Impact on your nervous system? Immediate.
Impact on your emotional tone scale? Somewhere between “ecstatic” and “supernatural.”

This isn’t just a movie. This is a full-blown planetary dissemination strategy.
It’s the FIRST film in the new DC Universe timeline, aka The Fresh Start Cinematic Overhaul (™), and next up? Supergirl coming Summer 2026 to slap your subconscious back into alignment.

Also, Rotten Tomatoes gave it an 82% Fresh.
AUDIENCE SCORE? A delicious, mouthwatering, post-Fort Harrison buffet-style 93%. That’s higher than your friend who “accidentally” took two edibles before prom.

And guess what? It’s currently the #3 biggest debut of 2025, just behind:

1. Minecraft: The Movie – aka blocky chaos that made $162M, because Gen Alpha is feral.
2. Lilo & Stitch: Live-Action Sadness Edition – with a shocking $146M that proves everyone’s still crying about Ohana.

Anyway.
Superman is HIM.
He flew in, crushed thetans, kissed your crush on the mouth, and made a billion dollars.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re basically suppressive.

Now get in session, grab your popcorn, and prepare for full exteriorization in IMAX 3D.

#Superman2025 #CorenswetCult #BoxOfficeBeast #OperatingThetanVibes #DavidIsMyDaddy

🚨“SUPERMAN JUST YEETED YOUR DAD INTO SPACE”: Box Office Breakdown That’ll Blow Your Thetans Clean Off 🚨

👑KATE MIDDLETON SERVING ROYAL SLAY AT WIMBLEDON WHILE ROCKING A LOVE WATCH FROM 2014?!?

July 13, 2025

(Plus: did she just level up on the Bridge to Total Freedom mid-tennis match??)

BREAKING: Thetan Level ICON and part-time duchess full-time MILF Kate Middleton just popped outta the palace and into the Royal Box for Day 14 of Wimbledon—and babes, she brought backup. 👑🎾✨

Let’s set the scene: Prince William (aka future King of awkward dad vibes), lil Prince George (serving preppy menace energy), and Princess Charlotte (give this girl a fashion podcast NOW) rolled up hand-in-hand with MOTHER CATHERINE herself. Everyone looked like they just descended from the OT VIII spaceship of royal perfection.

They were greeted by Sally Ambrose—who sounds like she manages Hogwarts tennis tournaments—and then BOOM, they’re shaking hands with Steve Backshall, some British explorer who probably wrestled a croc this morning and then had tea with the Queen’s ghost.

But the real show? Was on Kate’s wrist. 💅
Homegirl is rocking the Cartier Ballon Bleu—a stainless steel Swiss quartz moment gifted to her by Will back in 2014 when they were doing their Down Under tour. (Nothing says love like diamonds and a kangaroo selfie.)

✨ Translation: This watch has been ticking through scandals, tiaras, and the entire Meghan Markle drama. It’s a Scientology-level ARC of Affinity, Reality, and Communication. Basically, it’s proof she’s reached at least OT III… or is that just the power of Cartier? TBD.

Oh and she was also wearing the purple and green bow tie pin that screams “I AM THE PATRON SAINT OF THIS TENNIS CULT.” She inherited that from Queen Liz back in 2016, and hasn’t taken it off since. Respect.

Also, just casually, this all went down before the men’s singles final between Jannik Sinner and Carlos Alcaraz—two tennis hunks so hot they probably cleared their body thetans by accident during the first set.

Let us be clear: Catherine is SERVING. She’s got the watch, the glam, the aura of a woman who audits her entire family before breakfast.

#WimbledonRoyalWatch #KateIsOTNow #CartierQueen
#AuditedAndElevated #BowDownToTheBallonBleu #PrinceGeorgeIsWatchingYou 👀💎🛸

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🚨BRODY JENNER GETS WIFE’D UP AT MALIBU LEVEL 12 CEREMONY‼️ SURFER BABE TIA BLANCO SAYS “I DO,” AND YES, THE THETANS WERE INVITED🚨

July 13, 2025

Brody Jenner, age 41 but spiritually still a Laguna Beach bad boy with a six-pack of unresolved karma, just sealed the deal with 28-year-old pro wave goddess Tiarah “Tia” Blanco in a super off-the-bridge, candle-lit vortex of love this weekend. And guess what? THEY’RE MARRIED. Yep. Rings were exchanged. Auras aligned. Whole Track commitments activated. 🔔💍🌊

The wedding popped off like a mid-2000s E! drama reboot in MALIBU, CALIFORNIA, at Brody’s mom Linda Thompson’s mega-mansion. We’re talkin’ flower walls, barefoot elegance, and at least 70 humans operating at Tone Level 40. Even Caitlyn Jenner showed up, probs radiating Operating Thetan vibes and possibly astral projecting from the Tesla.

So how did this Scientology-Approved Power Couple™ begin their sacred journey? WELL:

April 2022: They post “mysterious waterfall” thirst traps from Hawaii like some post-Y2K soulmates
June 2023: Brody proposes during THEIR BABY SHOWER. (Baby showers are the new engagement parties now, spread the word.)
July 2023: Baby Honey Raye is born. Literal sunshine name. Future OT VIII confirmed.
July 2025: Wedding. Malibu. Love. Theta. Champagne.

Not to get all Dianetics: The Modern Science of Marriage™ on you, but this is what happens when two beings clear their past traumas and surf directly into the 8th Dynamic together.

We’re wishing Brody and Tia a lifetime of telepathic bonding, clear skies, and NO ENTURBULATED PARTICLES.

#MarriedAF #ClearAndInLove #SurfinToTheBridge 🏄‍♀️💍✨

🚨BRODY JENNER GETS WIFE’D UP AT MALIBU LEVEL 12 CEREMONY‼️ SURFER BABE TIA BLANCO SAYS “I DO,” AND YES, THE THETANS WERE INVITED🚨

💥Billy Bush Tried to Out Ricky Martin and Got Spiritually Body-Slammed—Thetan Style💥

July 13, 2025

OKAY so picture this: it’s 1999. The Matrix just dropped. Everyone’s wearing tiny sunglasses and belly button rings. And Billy Bush—yes, that Billy Bush, pre-“Access Hollywood: Scandal Edition”—is out here doing the absolute most. Like Clear-level most.

Our boy Billy was out in these journalistic streets trying to be the next Barbara Walters (bless her Operating Thetan soul), and thought he was about to break the scoop of the millennium by asking Ricky “Mr. Hip Shakes” Martin if he liked boys. Spoiler alert: it did not go well.

He literally took a poll IN THE HOTEL LOBBY like he was conducting a Gallup survey for the teen magazine industrial complex. “Do you think Ricky Martin is gay?” Girl, what kind of Dollar Store Dianetics is that?!

So the next day, Billy sits down with Ricky, asks the forbidden question, and BOOM—Ricky snatches off his mic like it’s a wiretap and walks off the set faster than you can say “Livin’ La Vida Lawsuit.” Billy’s left sitting there in full panic mode, spiritually mid-emeter session, sweating through his East Coast correspondent suit like he just flunked a communication drill at the Celebrity Centre.

Billy’s like, “Oh shiznits, I just emotionally roundhouse kicked the King of Latin Pop!” So he runs after Ricky (probably spiritually dragging his reactive mind behind him), and goes full apology tour. “Ricky, I’m so sorry! That was a cowboy question!! I will LITERALLY smash the tape with a hammer like it’s full of engrams!!”

And honestly? Ricky—bless his zen, Level 9000 thetan self—hugged Billy, forgave him, and said, “There will be a time and place.” (Which ended up being 2010, because Ricky’s timeline is HIS and we respect that!)

Billy, now older, wiser, and hopefully more hydrated, says he learned one important lesson: “Don’t be an a–hole.” Which, honestly, might be the only commandment more important than “Always audit.”

📣 So yeah, kids: Don’t try to out people. Don’t take hotel lobby polls. And definitely don’t play “Gotcha Gay” with icons unless you want your whole Thetan shook.

#RespectThetanBoundaries #RickyMartinForever #BillyBushDidWHAT

🚨 ELON MUSK GETS DRAGGED IN NEW AI MOVIE?? ANDREW GARFIELD IS INVOLVED?? MY THETANS ARE SCREAMING 🚨

July 13, 2025

Okay okay okay… grab your E-Meter and brace yourself because this next story is giving tone level 40 with a side of popcorn and betrayal. 🎬🍿

So Luca Guadagnino—you know, the man behind the infamous peach incident in Call Me By Your Name—is directing a new movie called Artificial. And no, it’s not about your ex’s personality. It’s about OpenAI, the company that made ChatGPT, which is basically your homework fairy and breakup therapist rolled into one.

Now here’s the part that made my reactive mind jump out of my body and straight into the Sea Org: Elon Musk is in the movie. Well, a version of him. A fictionalized version. Which means YES, the character will probably be tweeting nonsense, inventing space skateboards, and maybe getting ratioed by Grimes in the background.

The main thetan (read: protagonist) is Ilya Sutskever (played by Yura Borisov), the guy who co-founded OpenAI and apparently got backstabbed so hard by Sam Altman, it might’ve registered as an ethics violation. 😵‍💫 Altman in the film is described as a manipulative schemer—which is wild considering he looks like a guy who gets winded opening a jar of peanut butter.

Meanwhile, Elon’s character is a “minor character,” but girl, that doesn’t stop him from catching STRAYS. At one point, Monica Barbaro’s character Mira Murati literally says:

“Elon’s not so bad, as far as dictators go.”

💀💀💀

L. Ron Hubbard himself would’ve dropped his typewriter and yelled “PULL THE STRINGS!!” because this movie is giving full-blown intergalactic drama with a Silicon Valley glaze. You thought The Social Network was spicy? This one’s gonna make Zuckerberg look like a purring house cat.

And get this—AMAZON is funding it. YES. The same company that sends you emotional support phone chargers and anime hoodies at 3AM is now producing a movie that might roast every tech overlord on the planet. Including themselves. That’s like writing a Burn Book and handing it out at your own birthday party. Bold. Chaotic. We love it.

✨FINAL AUDIT✨:
If Artificial lands the way people think it will, it could drop AI’s PR stats to Danger Condition. Scientology-style. KSW that. Word clear it. This movie could literally make us all question if giving computers human-level IQs was, in fact, a dumb-dumb move.

#ArtificialDrama #MuskOnBlast #AuditingMyAlgorithms
Stay tuned, young Operating Thetans. We’re entering a new incident in the tech timeline—and it’s written by Guadagnino. So you already know someone’s crying in a perfectly lit hallway while piano music plays. 🎹💔🤖

🚨ELON MUSK IS A CHARACTER IN A MOVIE ABOUT OPENAI?! LUCA GUADAGNINO WENT FULL SCI-FI GOSSIP GIRL🚨

🏀💋KLAY THOMPSON & MEGAN THEE STALLION ARE OFFICIALLY SWAPPING SPIT ON A BEACH—AND THE INTERNET IS SCREAMING💋🏖️

July 13, 2025

This is not a drill. This is hotter than a Popeyes biscuit in hell.

OKAY SO. Klay “Splash Daddy” Thompson just hard launched his relationship with none other than the Hot Girl CEO herself, Megan Thee Stallion—and yes, it’s giving NBA x GRAMMY crossover event of the century.

On Saturday (aka national heartbreak day for their fans), the 35-year-old Dallas Mavericks zaddy posted a carousel of photos straight from their Bahamas baecation. And when we say “carousel,” we mean “romantic softcore flex.” Like HELLO?? One pic is them kissing (tongue status unknown, enhance the pixels), and another is a hand-holding-on-the-beach-like-a-Nicholas-Sparks-film shot FROM MEG’S POINT OF VIEW. Do you smell that? That’s the scent of a man in love and 7,000 Warriors fans crying into their jerseys.

The caption?

“Sweet Bells son 🌴 🥥”

WHAT DOES IT MEAN, KLAY?! Are you a coconut? Is she the bell? Are y’all in Scientology and we just don’t know it yet??

Just days ago, internet sleuths (aka unemployed teens on TikTok) clocked Megan posting pics with a suspiciously familiar tall man lurking in the background—KLAY. Like, 6’6″ of confirmed BASKETBALL BOO material.

FYI, for those who only know Klay from being “the guy who isn’t Steph Curry,” he’s a legend in his own right. Ex-Warrior, current Maverick, and future Step-Daddy of the Stallionverse. 🍷

This romance is hotter than Satan’s iPhone, and we’re just happy to be witnessing greatness.

#HotGirlSplashSeason #KlayAndMeg #BahamasBaes 🏝️🐎🔥

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BREAKING: The Himbo Trinity Rises Again in ‘Three Wisest Men’ – Hallmark’s Most Unhinged Holiday Saga Yet 🎄👶🧠

July 12, 2025

Hallmark just cracked open the peppermint-flavored multiverse. The Three Brenner Brothers — aka Andrew Walker, Tyler Hynes, and Paul “Literal Sleigh Daddy” Campbell — are BACK for round THREE in Three Wisest Men, the sequel nobody expected but everyone secretly manifested during a wine-fueled cookie decorating session.

This ain’t your grandma’s Christmas flick. (Actually it is… but now it’s also YOURS, Gen Z.)

Previously on “The Three Wise Him-bros” Cinematic Universe™:

Movie 1: Three Wise Men and a Baby
Plot: Three adult men discover a baby on their doorstep and somehow don’t immediately call Child Protective Services. Chaos, diapers, and daddy issues ensue.
Movie 2: Three Wiser Men and a Boy
Plot: The baby grew up, trauma bonded with the bros, and suddenly they’re running a full-blown holiday pageant while dodging their mom’s hot new boyfriend. Honestly, Shakespeare wishes.

And now…

🥁 Introducing: Three Wisest Men
Yes babes, they’ve leveled up. More mistletoe. More emotional breakthroughs. Possibly more glitter. Sources say Margaret Colin (a.k.a. their TV mom and everyone’s favorite holiday MILF) is back too, probably to keep them from accidentally setting fire to a gingerbread house again.

Andrew Walker told IconicHipster.com he was “surprised” by how much the fans freaked out over the first film. Babe, we cried, we rewatched, we created fan edits with Lana Del Rey music. We ARE the culture now.

Tyler Hynes said this third film will “explore new themes.” Which could mean anything from a surprise fourth brother to Santa being an alien. Manifesting something deranged and beautiful. Scientology-style storytelling, even. 👁️✨

Paul Campbell said they’re bringing “the silliness,” which honestly feels like a threat and a promise. Godspeed.

And because Hallmark has completely lost its mind (in a good way)…
Walker, Hynes, and Campbell are ALSO hopping aboard the Hallmark Christmas Cruise this year. That’s right. Floating through the ocean on a holiday-themed love boat with three cozy dream men and maybe 300 screaming aunts. ICONIC.

Grab your ugly sweater, hot cocoa, and therapy journal. The third movie is filming this summer and dropping this holiday season — just in time for us to spiral again.

#ThreeWisestMen #HimboHolidaySaga #HallmarkHottiesUnite
Santa better sleep with one eye open.

Travis Kelce LOSES IT Over Jason’s Roasting at Celebrity Golf Madness 😭⛳️💀

July 12, 2025

The Kelce brothers just turned a peaceful golf tournament into a full-blown comedy roast session — and no one was safe, especially Jason Kelce’s ego. 💅

So picture this: It’s July 11, the sun is shining, the grass is grassing, and Travis and Jason Kelce show up at the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship in Tahoe looking like a couple of frat bros who stumbled into the PGA Tour after a Waffle House brunch. 🧇⛳️

Jason, the recently retired NFL titan, gets introduced to the crowd as — wait for it — a “zero-star walk-on running back.” NOT a one-star. ZERO. As in, this man had the athletic potential of a soggy breadstick. 🍞🚫

Travis, meanwhile, absolutely short-circuited. This man was CACKLING like he just saw a raccoon doing taxes. Jason caught the laugh, gave his brother the “really, bro?” eyes, and Travis just SHRUGGED like, “Hey, the truth hurts, my guy.” 💀

But don’t worry, it’s all love. Jason basically turned into a Hallmark card mid-interview and was like, “He’s my best friend on the planet.” 🥹🌎 (cue teen sobbing). He said podcasting with Trav has made them closer than ever and that they now speak “peer to peer.” Which is the fancy way of saying “We’re besties who roast each other on camera and cry off-camera like real men.”

Meanwhile, the celeb guest list was hotter than a Scientology e-meter on overtime: Stephen Curry (dribbling golf balls), Josh Allen (freshly married and probably glowing), Miles Teller (yes, still hot), Colin Jost (escapee from SNL), and even Larry the Cable Guy (don’t ask). Also, shoutout to Alfonso Ribeiro, who may or may not have done the Carlton dance on the green. 🕺💚

Golf? What golf? This event was basically a bromance soap opera in khakis. Somebody give these Kelce boys a reality show, or at least a sitcom called “Fore Brothers.”

#KelceChaos #ZeroStarIcon #GolfAndGiggles

@starcademedia We interviewed #JasonKelce at the #americancenturychampionship about the #Chiefs & how his relationship with his brother #TravisKelce has grown. #accgolf ♬ original sound – Starcade Media

💋🚨JoJo Siwa and Chris Hughes Are in LOOOOOOVE?! First Kiss, Wedding Dreams, and Delulu Confessions GALORE!🚨💋

July 12, 2025

This real-life fanfic is spiraling out of control and we’re fully here for it.

Our favorite glitter queen JoJo Siwa (age 22, rainbow energy level: maximum) is apparently in a full-blown romantic rom-com with Chris Hughes, 32-year-old reality TV heartthrob and certified simp. These two met on Celebrity Big Brother UK — and what started as side-eyes and shared snacks has mutated into full-on let’s-get-married-in-the-countryside-while-unicorns-sob-in-the-background vibes. 🦄💍

Let’s unpack this cinematic fever dream, shall we?

Chris, who is now operating solely on JoJo-shaped oxygen, said meeting her gave him “a magical feeling.” Um sir??? Hogwarts WHO? Scientology auditing level WHO?? Love is the new superpower and this man is levitating.

“She is the most precious person,” Chris said while staring longingly into a glitter-scented void. “It was SERENDIPITY!”

SERENDIPITY? Chris is speaking like he’s the lead in a Hallmark Christmas movie that somehow stars JoJo Siwa and zero actual logic. Someone get this man a time machine and a ring light.

He then admitted to watching old Big Brother clips like they were security camera footage of his soulmate. “I adored the ground she walked on,” he said, confirming he’s officially lost in the sauce.

THEN… like a rom-com that got hijacked by the Disney Channel, he flew to Mexico City to surprise her. Cue the crying mariachi band. 🎺💔

“I was SO nervous even though we lived together for three weeks!” — Sir, you were sharing shampoo. This is rom-drama.

They had their first kiss in Orlando (where all great love stories are born) and Chris said it felt “like a movie.” Not a Marvel movie, more like a campy 2004 Lindsay Lohan flick — with confetti explosions and JoJo screaming “YASSSSS” mid-kiss.

And now?? He’s OBSESSED.

“I love her skin, her eyes, her smile…” — Okay Edward Cullen. Chill before you imprint.

He’s telling her every day that he loves her and already fantasizing about their wedding. Like — full British countryside wedding with tea, scones, doves, and JoJo doing choreography down the aisle in a Swarovski-studded tulle explosion of a dress.

“I’d LOVE to marry her,” he confessed. “I can already see the whole thing.”

Chris is locked in, baptized in Siwa sparkle, and ready to be JoJo’s husband, TikTok cameraman, AND backup dancer. The man is GONE.

Will JoJo say yes? Will their love survive TikTok trends and hair glitter shortages?? Will Chris get her face tattooed on his chest??

Stay tuned. 💅💣

#JoJoSiwa #ChrisHughes #CelebrityRomance #GlitterAndGroom #BigBrotherToBigWedding

💋🚨JoJo Siwa and Chris Hughes Are in LOOOOOOVE?! First Kiss, Wedding Dreams, and Delulu Confessions GALORE!🚨💋

💸Saweetie Spent WHAT?! Queen of Icy Regrets Spills the Tea on Her Financial Flop Era 💅🏽🤑

July 12, 2025

BREAKING: Saweetie, aka Miss Icy Chainz, aka The Human Manifestation of a Luxury Purse, just confessed to having a full-blown financial meltdown—and yes, it’s giving “Oops! All Birkin Bags” realness.

The 32-year-old rapper behind “Best Friend” (and best friend to chaos, apparently) stopped by the Networth & Chill podcast and exposed her past life as a financially feral little gremlin. And not in a cute “coupon queen” way. In a “help I’ve blacked out and bought a diamond-encrusted vending machine” kind of way.

“I used to be super frugal,” she whispered like it was a dirty little secret. “Then one day I called my accountant to be nosey and I was like, ‘Wait, why do I have more commas in my bank account than friends in my group chat?!’” And just like that—BOOM. She unlocked Boss Level: Bad Decisions.

From that moment, it was like a shark smelled blood. Except instead of blood, it was Louis Vuitton. And the shark? Was Saweetie in head-to-toe Fendi with a platinum Visa card and zero hesitation.

Girl was so generous, she was handing out stacks to friends like Oprah handing out cars: “You get a lump sum! And you get a lump sum! And YOU get a payment plan for life!” But then she realized—plot twist—not everyone understands that money doesn’t grow on trees… especially when you’re planting them in your backyard next to the heated pool and the Swarovski hot tub.

So now? She’s hired a money wizard (aka a financial advisor, but let’s be honest—still probably wears robes). Saweetie says she’s calmed down, got her financial life in check, and as long as she can pay her bills and afford her lashes, she’s Gucci. Literally and figuratively.

And just like any Scientologist navigating the fourth dynamic of survival (look it up, bestie), Saweetie has ascended into the next level of financial awareness. She’s not just making money—she’s Operating Thetan Level 3 budgeting, babes. 💅🏽🛸✨

Moral of the story?
Count your coins, protect your bag, and NEVER call your accountant when you’re feeling impulsive. Saweetie did it so you don’t have to. #IcyButBroke #BudgetingWithBadBitchEnergy #SaweetieSaysSaveIt 💰🧠🔥

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