Luke Macfarlane (aka the 45-year-old Canadian snack from your mom’s Hallmark marathons) rolls up on Watch What Happens Live with Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen to spill tea hotter than a Venti PSL in August.
And, babes… it got WEIRD.
During a round of “Pillow Talk,” Luke casually drops that his first celeb crush was Mark Wahlberg—yes, Marky Mark in the Funky Bunch era. Like, the Calvin Klein ad with the abs that looked like they could slice deli meat. Then, without taking a single breath, he drops his oddest turn-on: sticky-outy ears. You heard me. Not abs. Not jawlines. Not veiny forearms. EARS. The Dumbo kind. The “catch satellite radio without a subscription” kind.
When Andy Cohen (king of mess) asks, “Like Russell Tovey ears?” Luke basically goes, “Uh, yeah, exactly.” Sir. We are speechless. Somewhere Russell Tovey just blushed so hard his ears are now visible from space.
But wait—there’s more. When describing himself as a lover, Luke goes full rom-com paperback and says: “Listen. Touch. Kiss.” Like, okay Nicholas Sparks, I’m sweating.
The last thing that made him cry? Not a movie. Not a breakup. Nope. Just walking through NYC and remembering being 19 and broke and freshly arrived. Like, same, but my tears back then were because my MetroCard ran out.
He also confessed he’s still tight with Brothers & Sisters besties, especially his on-screen husband Matthew Rhys, who he calls “the best actor I’ve ever worked with.” I’m sorry, but that’s basically Hollywood proposing marriage.
Oh, and Luke says he’d be down for a Christmas special. Imagine: mistletoe, cocoa, and Russell Tovey’s ears framed in soft lighting. My soul just ascended.