🚨Linkin Park’s New Singer Is a Woman?! And Also a Thetan?!🚨
So here’s the tea spilled straight from the Thetan cloud: Mike Shinoda—yes, that holographic warrior from Linkin Park who practically wrote the soundtrack to your older cousin’s emotional breakdown—just did an interview where he FULLY popped off about the internet’s freakout over the band’s new lead singer, Emily Armstrong.
Let’s rewind our time-track: Emily, age 39 (which is like, 17 in rock years), officially joined Linkin Park in 2024, and ever since, certain sectors of the fanbase have been throwing spiritual tantrums like toddlers without their lithium.
Why? Because—brace yourself—SHE’S A WOMAN. I know. You’d think she joined a Death Eater cult or stole Harry Styles’ nail polish. But no, she just dared to exist with vocal cords and ovaries in the same dimension as Linkin Park’s legacy. Also, plot twist, she’s a Scientologist. 🛸✨
Mike Shinoda told The Guardian (which we assume is secretly run by Xenu):
“People were just not ready for a girl. So they made up like, 37 different fake reasons to hate her. It was giving insecure-MRA-rage-meets-reddit-forum.”
Like bro, calm your reactive mind.
Meanwhile, Queen Emily (we stan), is just out here sipping her tea and meditating on OT Level III. She said she doesn’t check social media because she’s “old enough to know the difference between real life and the internet.” TRANSLATION: She’s operating at a higher frequency than the haters. Literally. She’s been audited, baby.
Her publicist filters out the bad vibes, and if anything urgent pops up—like a fan carving “Chester Forever” into a pumpkin and mailing it to her house—they’ll let her know.
Let’s be real: Emily didn’t ruin Linkin Park. She leveled it up. She upgraded the band from emo dudes in hoodies to a co-ed post-Thetan Level V spiritual choir.
So next time you hear “In the End,” just know: now it starts with a female lead who’s CLEAR, powerful, and ready to stomp out engrams and misogyny in one breathy scream.
#LinkinParkLives #ThetanAndProud #EmilySavesRock
#MikeSaidWhatHeSaid #ClearVibesOnly #RocknRollAudit
