Khloe Kardashian Declares Herself a “Born-Again Virgin,” Considers Marrying Her Bed

Buy Me A Coffee

GET ON THE LIST - ICONICHIPSTER.COM

Subscribe to IconicHipster.com ~ Receive daily posts plus list-exclusive content straight to your inbox:

We never spam.

Khloe Kardashian is getting real about her dry spell—so dry, in fact, the Sahara is jealous.

On the latest episode of The Kardashians (a.k.a. the most glamorous family meeting on Hulu), the 40-year-old reality star jetted off to Tuscany with her sister Kim Kardashian and celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton. Because nothing screams “let’s talk about my lack of a sex life” like a European getaway.

Chris, ever the agent of chaos, blurted out, “Let’s get Khloe laid.”

See also  Demi Lovato Attends Project Healthy Minds World Mental Health Day Gala

Khloe, clutching onto her sense of humor (and maybe a rosary), shot back, “You’re obsessed with knowing that I haven’t had sex.” She then turned to Kim, as if seeking sibling backup, “He loves that I haven’t had sex in so many years.”

In a confessional moment, Khloe made a shocking revelation: “I mean, I just haven’t been intimate in quite a long time. So we’re going back to square one.” That’s right, folks—Khloe Kardashian, reality star, entrepreneur, and now born-again virgin.

She even took it a step further, declaring, “I’ll marry my bed.” Because, honestly, why not? It’s soft, supportive, always there when she needs it, and—most importantly—doesn’t ghost her after three dates. “I know who I’m coming home to every night,” she said dreamily. “I know you’re just gonna be there for me and snuggle me whenever I want. And you won’t talk back.” Take notes, gentlemen.

See also  Ellen Pompeo’s New Show Proves Family Drama Ain’t Just for Thanksgiving

Back in the group chat—uh, conversation—Khloe set the record straight: “I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have anything yet, so I think we have time to ask him that. I’m not even sleeping with anyone. TMI but—call me!”

Khloe Kardashian, single, thriving, and potentially registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond for her upcoming nuptials with her mattress.

See also  Sarah Jessica Parker Wraps Up Filming The 3rd Season Of 'And Just Like That'
Khloe Kardashian Declares Herself a “Born-Again Virgin,” Considers Marrying Her Bed

Comments area

Sidebar

Must Read

Comedian Kathy Griffin Fronts PETA Pet Adoption Campaign

Kathy Griffin isn’t clowning around when it comes to...

🚨MISSING HERO FOUND IN CORNFIELD: SMALL TOWN SHOOK, COWS TRAUMATIZED🚨

Jonathan “Scotty” Roach, a 43-year-old real-life Eagle Scout meets...

Janet Jackson Is Responding To The Backlash Over Her Comments On Kamala Harris’ Race

In today’s episode of “Celebrities Say the Darndest Things,”...

Lisa From BLACKPINK Covers ‘My Only Wish This Year’ by Britney Spears

Move over, Britney! K-pop sensation Lisa, the dazzling diva...

Megan Thee Stallion Reveals How She Motivates Herself to Exercise Everyday

Guess what? Megan Thee Stallion just spilled the beans...

Jesse McBaby?! Jesse McCartney Drops a Whole Human Baby Like It’s 2004 Again—And the Name Is Kinda Epic

Jesse “Beautiful Soul” McCartney—aka the man who once soundtracked...

Denise Richards Talks Return To ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’

Denise Richards, the iconic 53-year-young celeb, is spilling the...

You Might Also Like

Charlie D’Amelio and Landon Barker Break Up

It looks like love's rollercoaster just threw Landon Barker...

Tiffany Haddish Pokes Fun at Most-Recent DUI Arrest

Tiffany Haddish, our favorite comedian with a penchant for...

Why Taylor Swift Follows Zero People on Instagram

Ever wondered why Taylor Swift is the lone wolf...

SZA’s Celebrity Crush Will Make You Say “Wait… What?”

The queen of emotional bops and poetic clapbacks, SZA,...

Cassie Says “No Mask, No Mystery”—Will Testify as Herself in Diddy Trial

Welp, Cassie’s not hiding behind a code name—she’s pulling...

Demi Lovato And Grupo Firme Release New Collaborative Single ‘Chula’

Demi Lovato has just joined forces with Grupo Firme...

Whitney Port Tries Surrogacy After Suffering Multiple Miscarriages

Whitney Port is giving us the behind-the-scenes scoop on...

Khloe Kardashian Advises Her Brother Rob Kardashian To Donate His Sperm To Her Friend Malika Haqq

Khloe Kardashian: The Sperm Broker Extraordinaire! In the latest episode...