Khloe Kardashian Declares Herself a “Born-Again Virgin,” Considers Marrying Her Bed

Buy Me A Coffee

Khloe Kardashian is getting real about her dry spell—so dry, in fact, the Sahara is jealous.

On the latest episode of The Kardashians (a.k.a. the most glamorous family meeting on Hulu), the 40-year-old reality star jetted off to Tuscany with her sister Kim Kardashian and celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton. Because nothing screams “let’s talk about my lack of a sex life” like a European getaway.

Chris, ever the agent of chaos, blurted out, “Let’s get Khloe laid.”

See also  First Teaser And Release Date For 'The Bear' Season 3 Revealed

Khloe, clutching onto her sense of humor (and maybe a rosary), shot back, “You’re obsessed with knowing that I haven’t had sex.” She then turned to Kim, as if seeking sibling backup, “He loves that I haven’t had sex in so many years.”

In a confessional moment, Khloe made a shocking revelation: “I mean, I just haven’t been intimate in quite a long time. So we’re going back to square one.” That’s right, folks—Khloe Kardashian, reality star, entrepreneur, and now born-again virgin.

She even took it a step further, declaring, “I’ll marry my bed.” Because, honestly, why not? It’s soft, supportive, always there when she needs it, and—most importantly—doesn’t ghost her after three dates. “I know who I’m coming home to every night,” she said dreamily. “I know you’re just gonna be there for me and snuggle me whenever I want. And you won’t talk back.” Take notes, gentlemen.

See also  Khloe Kardashian Thinks Sister Kendall Is "Wasting" Her Life

Back in the group chat—uh, conversation—Khloe set the record straight: “I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have anything yet, so I think we have time to ask him that. I’m not even sleeping with anyone. TMI but—call me!”

Khloe Kardashian, single, thriving, and potentially registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond for her upcoming nuptials with her mattress.

See also  Kourtney Kardashian is Still "Triggered" by Tristan Thompson's Cheating Scandal
Khloe Kardashian Declares Herself a “Born-Again Virgin,” Considers Marrying Her Bed

Comments area

Sidebar

Must Read

Jennifer Lopez Shares New Photo Of Her Twins Max And Emme

Jennifer Lopez is having one of those proud mom...

Victoria Beckham Dresses Up For Halloween For The First Time In 27 Years

Victoria Beckham has officially woken up and smelled the...

Mayim Bialik Dishes on the ‘Blossom’ Reboot: Legal Limbo, Nostalgia Overload, and 90s Fever Dreams

Mayim Bialik, our favorite neuroscientist-turned-actress-turned-Blossom-whisperer, has finally spilled the...

You Might Also Like

Rihanna’s Smurfy Adventure: A Smurf-tacular Trailer Just Landed!

The trailer for the new Smurfs movie just dropped—and...

Hunter Schafer Crowns Nava Mau the Queen of the Spirit Awards, and We Love to See It

Hunter Schafer had the absolute pleasure of making history...

Taylor Swift Calls Beyonce “Queen” After Attending ‘Renaissance’ Premiere

Guess what happened on Instagram? Taylor Swift transformed into...

Patrick Mahomes Talks About Adding a Fourth Player to His Home Team

Patrick Mahomes, quarterback extraordinaire and family man in the...

Katy Perry Teases New Tour To Support Her New Album ‘143’

Katy Perry is sashaying her way into the spotlight...

Whitney Port Tries Surrogacy After Suffering Multiple Miscarriages

Whitney Port is giving us the behind-the-scenes scoop on...

Milo Ventimiglia Got Secretly Married

Milo Ventimiglia, the dreamy star of "This Is Us,"...