Okay. Everybody remain calm. Actually, no—freak out immediately because KESHA IS ON THE MARKET and she’s swiping harder than your ex after three vodka Red Bulls and zero therapy.
The glitter queen of chaos herself, 38-year-old Kesha “I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack” Rose, just launched the music video for her new anthem of horny confusion, “Boy Crazy,” and baby, it’s giving… left swipe fever dream. At the 1:45 mark, our chaotic fairy godmother opens the dating app Feeld, and not only is she scrolling—she’s on it. Like, for real. No stunt doubles. Just Kesha, thirsty, thriving, and tappin’.
And because Kesha doesn’t do anything halfway (she once twerked on a ghost, don’t test her), she also blasted her dating profile onto her Instagram Story like it’s a confetti cannon of kinks and Birkin bags. Let’s break it down:
💅 Name: Kesha
🎂 Age: 38
📍 Location: Los Angeles, duh
🌈 Sexuality: Omnisexual — basically, if you’re hot and breathing, step forward. (Per WebMD, that means she’s attracted to everyone regardless of gender or orientation, and honestly, we respect the range.)
Now let’s talk preferences, because this isn’t your basic “long walks on the beach” kinda bio. She lists her vibes as:
- ✨ Being dominant (SHE SAID GIRL BOSS, BUT MAKE IT FERAL)
- 🖇️ Kink (specifics not listed, but probably includes glitter handcuffs)
- 🧭 Exploration (emotionally, spiritually, AND horizontally)
- 🕊️ “Freedomme” (yes with two m’s, don’t ask questions)
- 🧸 Cuddling
- 🎉 Fun (duh)
Her actual bio??? Get ready:
“Femme dom top looking for partners that wanna create a safe place to play. Growing Birkin addiction. If you send a pretty one the paps might take a pic of it! Or I might wear it on stage… Also, will send feet pics.”
SHE SAID FEET. PICS. SENT. With consent, of course.
Now if you thought that was wild enough, grab your platform boots and nipple tassels because Kesha’s going on tour. The T-ts Out Tour (YES. THAT’S THE NAME) will feature Kesha, the iconic Scissor Sisters, the glam-cyber princess Slayyyter, and pop-sorceress Rose Gray.
Tickets are selling faster than Kesha’s DMs are filling up. So grab yours. Or grab her. She’s literally looking.
#KeshaIsKinkyConfirmed #BoyCrazyAndUnbothered #FeeldTheFever
