It looks like Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are riding separate unicorns into the sunset… and NOT together. According to mysterious “sources” (aka someone’s cousin who once saw them at Whole Foods), it’s OVER and has been crashing like an iPhone with 2% battery since forever.
“They’re pretty much done,” whispered the snitch to IconicHipster.com, probably while eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in a panic. “Like, you know when your WiFi signal’s weak and your mom still expects Netflix to load? Yeah. That bad.”
Apparently, the emotional WiFi started glitching when Katy dropped her new album 143 — which, fun fact, stands for “I Love You” but is now rumored to mean “1 relationship, 4 real, 3 seconds from collapse.”
💔✨Meanwhile, Katy’s out here on her Lifetimes tour, dancing in sequins and pretending like she didn’t just throw a flaming heart emoji at her entire relationship. She’s in Australia, hopping around the Outback with her 4½-year-old daughter Daisy Dove, eating Tim Tams and avoiding Orlando like it’s 2010’s Russell Brand all over again.
But wait, there’s drama! At a recent show, she called out a fan for sliding into Orlando’s DMs like,
“If you keep DM’ing my man, I’m gonna have you REMOVED.”
Girl, what are we doing—hosting concerts or casting real-life episodes of Love Island: Middle-Aged Edition?
🧠 Deep Thoughts from Queen Katy:
“My therapist said, ‘What anybody thinks about you is none of your business.’”
Katy said: New era, who dis?
Also Katy: Still publicly referencing your man five months into a slow-motion breakup? Bold.
- Engaged since 2019
- Baby in 2020
- Album drops in 2024
- Relationship? Currently somewhere between “it’s complicated” and “ghosted.”
🚫 Orlando has not commented. He’s probably sword-fighting skeletons on a pirate ship in his backyard while listening to Roar on loop and eating sadness pizza.
TL;DR: Katy’s out here chasing Grammys, Orlando’s MIA, and 143 might just be the code for “Bye.”
#BreakupVibes #KatyPerryUnplugged #OrlandoBackOnTheMarket 👀
