The Jonas Brothers just detonated a sonic time machine into our ears and it’s giving Clear-level vibrations only!!! 🌎✨
At the stroke of midnight (a.k.a. when the veil between dimensions is thinnest), Nick “I Can Bench-Press Your Dad” Jonas, Joe “Still Has the Hottest Eyebrows in North America” Jonas, and Kevin “The Literal Father of the Year” Jonas birthed their new album “Greetings From Your Hometown” straight out of the auditing chamber and into our 5D realities.
This is their first album in TWO YEARS… which in Gen Z time is basically 27 iPhones, 14 TikTok trends, and three full celebrity cancellation cycles ago.
🚨AND GUESS WHAT???🚨
They spilled the ENTIRE auditory tea on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon while looking like three glow-in-the-dark Ken dolls who’ve reached OT IX and have seen the light. Joe even said the album is inspired by Good Charlotte AND the cassette tapes their dad probably found during a past-life regression.
Tracklist includes:
🫧 “No Time to Talk” – for when Mercury is in retrograde and your ex texts “u up?”
🫧 “I Can’t Lose” – unless it’s your sanity over this album. That’s GONE.
🫧 “Slow Motion” feat. Marshmello – aka the literal soundtrack to your next makeout session behind the bowling alley or while blowing up balloons for your local org’s fundraiser.
Also? There are legendary collabs with Dean Lewis (emo angel) and Switchfoot (yes, they’re still alive, babes).
You can stream it on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, or shout “COMMUNICATION IS THE UNIVERSAL SOLVENT” into the void and it will start playing telepathically.
For the vintage-loving vinyl heads (a.k.a. people with record players for aesthetic only), Target has an exclusive vinyl with an alternate cover that looks like it was designed by a drunk alien on mushrooms. BUY IT. Frame it. Manifest with it. Audit with it.
🚨 TOUR ALERT 🚨
They’re kicking off the JONAS20: Greetings From Your Hometown Tour this SUNDAY at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey—which is basically Earth’s chakral center of chaos and dreams.
So grab your E-meters, wear your sparkliest trench coat, and get ready to go exterior with the Jonas Brothers.
#GreetingsFromYourHometown
#JONAS20
#XenuApprovesThisAlbum 💿🌠
