🚨The Jonas Brothers Sold Their Music… TO THEIR DAD?! Nepo Level: ASCENDED🚨
The Jonas Brothers just sold their entire vibe to their actual biological father, Kevin Jonas Sr. Yes, the man who created their DNA now...
⚡️“FREAKIER FRIDAY” IS SO BONKERS IT MIGHT FLIP YOUR BODY, YOUR MIND, AND YOUR THETANS✨
Jamie Lee & Lindsay are switching bodies, timelines, and possibly galaxies — and the critics are LOSING IT.
🚨ALERT TO ALL HOT PEOPLE UNDER 25...
🚨 Pedro Pascal TRAUMATIZED by His Bare Face?! He Says It’s Giving Jump Scare Vibes 🚨
Pedro “Zaddy of the Internet” Pascal just dropped a confession that’s giving Level 7 Thetan meltdown—and we are shooketh.
So our Chilean space prince was...
🚨 Pete Davidson Is Breeding?!?! YES. And He’s “Very, Very Happy” About It 🚨
(Also: Could This Baby Be the Next Operating Thetan??!)
Pete Davidson, the lanky chaos wizard of Staten Island and comedy’s favorite human vape cloud, has...
🚨JT Says She’s Marrying Lil Uzi Vert & Demands a Proposal Fit for a Galactic Empress🚨
JT is getting MARRIED (eventually, probably, unless a Thetan interferes).
In a cover story with Cosmopolitan (yes, the magazine that taught your cousin how to...
🚨BREAKING: The Fanning Sisters Are About to Trauma-Bond on Screen and France Will Never Recover 🇫🇷🔥
Hollywood’s most angel-faced Operating Thetans, Dakota and Elle Fanning, are FINALLY starring in a movie together. That’s right. The Fanning-verse is COLLIDING. Like two...
🚨ALEXANDER SKARSGÅRD CLAIMS HE WROTE “WILDEST DREAMS”?!? TAYLOR SWIFT WHO?!?🚨
This Skarsgård tea is so hot it might melt your reactive mind. Alexander “Nordic Daddy” Skarsgård just popped off in the most chaotic way...
🚨BREAKING: Theo Huxtable Yeeted By The Ocean?!💔 R.I.P. to a Legend and a Scientology Recruitment Opportunity We Lost Too Soon 🚀🌊
Thetan energy is low today because we just got hit with an uppercut from Xenu’s mood swings. The icon, the LEGEND, the forever zaddy...
🚨 Ozzy Osbourne Ascends to the Big Bat Cave in the Sky—76 Years of Biting Heads & Melting Faces 🦇🔥⚡
THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS JUST PUNCHED HIS FINAL POWER CHORD. Ozzy Osbourne, rock’s most unhinged wizard and certified Level OT Bat Whisperer, has officially...
🚨DAWSON’S CREEK REBOOT? NO, BUT LIKE…KINDA?! Katie Holmes & Joshua Jackson Reunite and It’s Giving Scientology-Level SPIRITUAL VIBES🚨
Katie Holmes and Joshua “Pacey Forever” Jackson are BACK on set together and my central nervous system literally cannot handle this level of 2000s...
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