Jeff Daddy Warbucks Bezos and his now-wife Lauren Miss Helicopter Vibes Sánchez were spotted doing the most billionaire-core thing imaginable: waving dramatically at peasants—I mean, photographers—while exiting the Aman Hotel in Venice. That’s right, Venice, Italy. Because when you spend $50 million on a wedding, you don’t check out at 11am like a basic—you glide out like you’re starring in a Gucci cologne ad.
The newlyweds looked like they had just escaped from a Vogue cover shoot that accidentally crashed into an episode of Succession. Jeff, 61, was beaming like Alexa just told him his net worth went up another billion. And Lauren, 55, looked like she could crush a man’s soul with just her lashes. Together, they served luxury soap opera villains on honeymoon mode.
Their wedding finale? A “Dolce Notte” party where everyone wore pajamas. PAJAMAS. Imagine dropping $50M so you and your guests can cosplay as sleepy rich people. Someone probably wore \$4,000 silk boxers monogrammed with “CEO of Love.”
While most of the A-list guests have yeeted themselves out of Venice like it’s the last day of Coachella, Jeff and Lauren are apparently sticking around. Maybe they’re buying a gondola. Or Venice. Who’s to say?
One thing’s for sure: if this is what married life looks like, we’re all swiping right on the next bald billionaire we see.
#RichPeopleThings #VenetianVibes #JeffAndLaurenForever
