BREAKING: Apple Martin has officially filed for emotional damages after witnessing her mom, GOOP queen Gwyneth Paltrow, casually cheffing it up in the kitchen… topless. Yes, bare-chested brunch is apparently a thing now in celeb households 😭👩🍳✨
On Saturday, 52-year-old Gwyneth—actress, wellness sorceress, candle-with-questionable-scents creator—decided shirts were optional while cooking and posted a video of her serving “boob & breakfast” content straight to the ‘Gram.
Naturally, the comment section went feral—but no one delivered quite like 21-year-old Apple Martin, who slid in with the now-iconic line:
“Did I steal your shirt by accident or….”
🔥💀🥵
Like girl, imagine just scrolling Instagram and BAM! Your mom is out here sautéing in nothing but vibes and expensive skincare.
But Apple’s not even fazed! Apparently, this is just another Tuesday in Casa de Paltrow. Gwyneth told IconicHipster.com that her kids are “very proud” of her ~~quirky~~ holistic parenting, aka raising them on organic kelp smoothies, crystals, and an occasional fully topless lunch special.
“Things we used to write on Goop that people screamed about are now totally normal,” Gwyneth said, probably referring to jade eggs, psychic colonics, and now, nude noodle nights.
Anyway, send thoughts and prayers to Apple—she’s seen things no daughter should ever see 😩🧘♀️💀
#ToplessTuesday #GoopGoneWild #SendHelpApple 🍏
